The Angel Esmeralda - Don Delillo [54]
“You don’t really mean that.”
“It’s something people say. One of those expressions that sound like someone else is talking. A dear sweet man.”
“A loving wife and mother.”
“I was happy to have them look. All of them,” he said. “I used to look with them. We’d go picture to picture, room to room. I had a house in the Hudson Valley, more paintings, some sculpture. I went there in the autumn for the fall colors. But I barely looked out the windows.”
“You had the walls.”
“I couldn’t take my eyes off the walls.”
“And then you had to sell.”
“All of it, every last piece. Pay fines, pay debts, pay legal fees, provide for family. Gave an etching to my daughter. A snowy night in Norway.”
Norman missed his walls but he was not unhappy here. He was content, he said, unstuck, unbound, remote. He was free of the swollen needs and demands of others but mostly disentangled from his personal drives, his grabbiness, the lifelong mandate to accrue, expand, construct himself, to buy a hotel chain, make a name. He was at peace here, he said.
I lay on the top bunk, eyes closed, listening. Throughout the building men in their cubicles, one talking, one listening, both silent, one sleeping, tax delinquents, alimony delinquents, insider traders, perjurers, hedge-fund felons, mail fraud, mortgage fraud, securities fraud, accounting fraud, obstruction of justice.
Word began to spread. By the third day most of the chairs in the common room were occupied and I had to settle for a place near the end of the fifth row. On screen the girls were reporting on a situation rapidly developing in the Arab Emirates.
“The word is Dubai.”
“This is the word crossing continents and oceans at the shocking speed of light.”
“Markets are sinking quickly.”
“Paris, Frankfurt, London.”
“Dubai has the worst debt per capita in the world,” Kate said. “And now its building boom has crumbled and it can’t pay the banks what it owes them.”
“It owes them fifty-eight billion dollars,” Laurie said.
“Give or take a few billion.”
“The DAX index in Germany.”
“Down more than three percent.”
“The Royal Bank of Scotland.”
“Down more than four percent.”
“The word is Dubai.”
“This debt-ridden city-state is asking banks to grant six months’ freedom from debt repayments.”
“Dubai,” Laurie said.
“The cost of insuring Dubai’s debt against default has increased one, two, three, four times.”
“Do we know what that means?”
“It means the Dow Jones Industrial Average is down, down, down.”
“Deutsche Bank.”
“Down.”
“London—the FTSE One Hundred Index.”
“Down.”
“Amsterdam—ING Group.”
“Down.”
“The Hang Seng in Hong Kong.”
“Crude oil. Islamic bonds.”
“Down, down, down.”
“The word is Dubai.”
“Say it.”
“Dubai,” Kate said.
The old life rewrites itself every minute. In four years I’ll still be here, puddling horribly in this dim waste. The free future is hard to imagine. I have trouble enough tracing the shape of the knowable past. This is no steadfast element, no faith or truth except for the girls, being born, getting bigger, living.
Where was I when this was happening? I was acquiring meaningless degrees, teaching a freshman course in the dynamics of reality TV. I changed the spelling of my first name to Jerold. I used my index and middle fingers to place quote marks around certain ironic comments I made and sometimes used index fingers only, setting off a quotation within another quotation. It was that kind of life, self-mocking, and neither the marriage nor the business I briefly ran seems to have happened in any fixed consideration. I’m thirty-nine years old, a generation removed from some of the inmates here, and I don’t remember knowing why I did what I did to put myself in this place. There was a time in early English law when a felony was punishable by removal of one of the felon’s body parts. Would this be an incentive to modern memory?
I imagine myself being here forever, it’s already forever, eating another meal with the political consultant who licks his thumb to pick bread crumbs off the plate and stare at