The Angel in the Corner - Monica Dickens [88]
She sighed, and away with the breath of her sigh went all the things for which she had worked and planned. ‘All right then, darling.’ She could smile now, secure in her surrender. ‘If it makes you happy, of course I’ll give it up.’
‘Promise?’
‘I promise.’
‘Good girl.’ He lay back on the pillow. ‘That’s my girl,’ he murmured, and closed his eyes to sleep again. He had no idea of how much Virginia had just surrendered.
*
Was she right or wrong? What did it matter? She had done it. There was no going back on her promise. She had promised herself out of a job, and last night she had talked herself out of a home. What now?
Virginia was only twenty-one, and she needed someone to talk to. There was no one. In her absorption with Joe, and the completely different circumstances in which she lived with him, she had lost touch with all her friends, except the people in the office, and there was no one there in whom she could confide. Even the married ones would not understand. They did not have husbands like Joe. Jane Stuart’s husband had the same idea as Joe, but Jane would not understand. She had dealt with her husband’s ideas by leaving him.
Adelaide Small was the only one who knew that Virginia had made a runaway marriage. Could she tell Miss Small the truth about why she had to leave the magazine? Miss Small was wise and honest. Would she be the one to whom Virginia could talk?
When Virginia went to the editor’s office, she was sandwiched in by Grace at the last minute, between two other interviews. Miss Small was very busy. She seemed preoccupied, scarcely looking at Virginia as she stood before the massive desk, and scarcely hearing the careful story that Virginia had prepared to explain her resignation. If she had queried it, or shown any interest, Virginia might have told her the truth. But Miss Small merely looked a little vexed, and said: ‘I’m to take it, I suppose, that you know your own mind this time, and won’t be turning up again looking for your job?’
She dismissed Virginia briskly as Marigold came in, with a smile for Virginia that changed to a questioning look as she saw her disappointed face.
‘Virginia is leaving us,’ Miss Small said, without looking up.
‘Oh? I’m sorry. It is true then – the good news that Derek’s been spreading around?’ Marigold’s eyes dropped instinctively from Virginia’s face to her figure.
Virginia shook her head. ‘No. It’s … other things.’ She could not embark again on the story she had given to Miss Small. She might not tell it right. As she left the office, Adelaide Small was already discussing with Marigold who should be moved into the editorial office in Virginia’s place.
Virginia walked part of the way home that evening, along the Mall, and round the Palace into Eaton Square. It was too warm to be shut up with a crowd on a bus. There were a lot of people walking to Victoria through St James’s Park. Many of them walked as though the paths were rails of habit, hurrying straight ahead without seeing the grass or the shining lake, where the waterfowl rode burnished in the slanting light.
Virginia too had walked this way many times in the summer, but tonight she did not feel that she belonged with the work-day crowd. She had another week to work at the office, but already she did not seem to belong there any more. People had been kindly disappointed to hear that she was leaving, and momentarily curious about her plans, but their thoughts could not follow her beyond the bounds of the magazine.
How useless to rely on getting help or advice from Miss Small, or anyone else. People could be allies and even cronies when you worked together, but as soon as you went outside their world, they lost interest. There was no one to rely on but yourself. You were the only one who could decide what should happen to you. Advice was only of value to support your own decisions. You did not take it if it was not what you wanted to do, so where was the purpose