The Ape Who Guards the Balance - Elizabeth Peters [185]
“No!” Forcing a smile, Ramses added, “Oh, yes, I could. God knows I’d like to. But it would be taking a chance. I might end up losing what I already have, and it’s too precious to risk—her trust, her companionship. You and she are my best friends, David. I want her love in addition to that, not instead of it.”
David nodded wisely. “You’re right, there’s no way of forcing it or even predicting it. It can come on like an avalanche. That day in the garden when Lia . . . But I told you about that, didn’t I?”
“Once or twice.” Ramses’s smile faded. Abruptly he said, “I’m going away.”
“What?”
“Not this instant or forever. But I have to be away from her for a while, David. It’s got out of control, and I can’t—I can’t deal with it.”
David’s dark eyes were warm with sympathy. “Where will you go?”
“I don’t know. Berlin, Chicago, the Sudan—some oasis in the middle of the Sahara where I can study asceticism and scratch fleas and learn to control my feelings.”
David sat down on the chest. “Sometimes I think you control them too well.”
“Outwardly, perhaps. It’s what goes on inside that frightens me.”
“I understand.”
No, Ramses thought, you don’t. Not all of it. And I hope to God you never do.
:
I was not keen on the idea of leaving the boys alone in Luxor, and even less willing to leave Nefret. Her argument—that they wouldn’t be so likely to get in trouble if she was there watching over them—did not at all convince me. She made quite a fuss, though, and when Katherine heard of it she proposed a solution that would solve at least one of the difficulties. Gossiping tongues would be restrained if Nefret stayed with her and Cyrus at the Castle.
“Are you prepared for what that entails, Mrs. Vandergelt?” Ramses inquired. “You will have to take Horus too. Nefret wouldn’t leave him with us even if we would have him.”
Katherine assured him she and Cyrus—and presumably Sekhmet—would be delighted to have Horus. Ramses shook his head.
So I agreed. The fact that Emerson and I would be alone in our ramblings did not affect my decision in the least. It was just as he said: we would have to trust the children sometime, why not now?
There was plenty of room for two on our dear dahabeeyah, even though Emerson soon filled the saloon with his notebooks and the bits and pieces he collected from various sites. Naturally he went about this in the most meticulous fashion, keeping detailed notes of their provenance. Perhaps the best part of the trip was the week we spent at Amarna. We tramped the plain from end to end and side to side, visiting all the nobles’ tombs and venturing one day into the remote wadi where the king’s deserted tomb was located. What fond memories that arduous but exhilarating stroll awakened! Amarna had been the scene of some of our most thrilling adventures. In the Royal Tomb Emerson’s arms had enclosed me for the first time. They enclosed me again as we stood that day in the shadowy entrance; his embrace was as strong and ardent as it had ever been, and when we began the return journey, the three-mile walk seemed long only because it delayed the expression of the emotions aroused in us both. We did not engage in the customary professional discussion that night.
However, at breakfast the following morning, Emerson shook his head regretfully when I suggested we return to Amarna the following season. “There is certainly a great deal to be done here, but the same is true of every other site in Egypt. I am thinking seriously of removing to the Cairo area. The ancient cemeteries stretch for miles, and most have been only cursorily excavated. Even at Giza and Sakkara there are large stretches unexplored and unassigned. We’ll have to give the matter more thought.” He filled his pipe and leaned back. “We might stop at Abydos on our way back to Thebes. Are you up to another week of strenuous exercise, Peabody?”
“I believe I have demonstrated my fitness, Emerson.