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By Root 1411 0

for a while, long enough for the preacher to convert everybody except the Ingledews to Presbyterianism. Thereafter he managed to fill the schoolhouse (now churchhouse) every Sunday morning, until one day, when another preacher, who called himself a “Methodist,” came into the churchhouse and challenged the Presbyterian to a debate on the subject of predestination, which the Methodist was against. The debate lasted for three days, then the Methodist challenged the Presbyterian to prove predestination, which the Presbyterian could not do, there being no other eclipses scheduled for the immediate future. The congregation was allowed to put the matter to a vote, and since the majority of them liked the idea of free salvation better than predestination, they gave the pastorate to the Methodist, who conducted services for some time thereafter, until the day another preacher, calling himself a “Baptist,” came and challenged the Methodist to a debate over the issue of baptism by sprinkling or immersion.

Most Stay Morons readily agreed that immersion is certainly a lot more fun and probably cleaner than sprinkling, and they became Baptists in denomination until a “Campbellite” minister appeared and argued against denominationalism, pointing out that there is nothing in the Bible authorizing anybody to call themselves Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians or anything else. If, he said, there had to be a name over the door of the church, then let it be simply “Church of Christ.” This made eminent sense to everybody, and they dismissed the Baptist preacher and installed the Campbellite, but he was not a very interesting, let alone exciting, personality. The Dinsmores, who gave him a place to sleep his first Saturday in town, said he wouldn’t eat his supper. They said he had remarked, “You folks sure do set a good table, but I don’t never eat much when I’m a-fixin to give a sarmon.” Then on Sunday morning the Dinsmores set out a fine breakfast of ham and eggs, but the preacher wouldn’t touch it. “Earthly food seems to hinder a true feast of the spirit,” he said. “My finest sarmons has all been preached on a empty stomach.” So he had just one cup of coffee and went off to the churchhouse. After listening to his sermon, one of the Dinsmores remarked, “Why, that there preacher might just as well have et.”

The Campbellite was supplanted by a colorful preacher of the “Holiness” faith, who amazed the Stay Morons by handling poisonous snakes without being bitten and running his hand through fire without being burned. For several months the Stay More church was a Holiness church, until the novelty of the snakes and fire wore off. Subsequently, other ministers converted the church to Assembly of God, Gospel Tabernacle, Seventh-Day Adventist and Pentecostal. One Sunday, even a Roman Catholic priest wandered into Stay More and was permitted to celebrate a mass at the church, but afterwards the stares that he received from the Stay Morons unnerved him, and he wandered on out of town. Stay More had run the gamut of gentile religions without deciding upon any one of them.

Then Eli Willard returned. His hair was nearly all white now, and he was wearing a different kind of suit. He had no whale oil or kerosine; he had nothing. Each person who saw him noticed this, and asked him, “What’re ye sellin this time?” but Eli Willard just smiled. He tethered his horse to a post at Isaac’s mill, then sat in a chair on the porch. Isaac, being taciturn, didn’t ask him any questions. After most of the population of Stay More had assembled around the porch, Eli Willard stood up and cleared his throat and said, “Friends and Good People. I hawk no goods, vend no wares. A higher calling brings me to you, and I offer you free of charge this wonderful message. Others will tell you that God is divided into three: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. I do not hold with that. I believe that there is, at most, one God. Hence I am now pleased to call myself a Unitarian. Unitarians do not believe in heaven or hell, except in the spirit, in the now rather than the hereafter.