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By Root 1321 0

under him and broke his leg and was captured; one of Capt. Cecil’s guerrillas had been accidentally wounded while attempting to remove his wet pants. Jacob ordered a retreat; his ammunition was used up. Throughout the battle he had searched everywhere for his brother Noah but had been unable to spot him, until, as he and his men were retreating, he saw Noah standing amidst a crowd of Rebels who were shouting their notorious “Rebel Yell,” the bloodcurdling victory whoop that reminded Jacob somewhat of Fanshaw’s dawn chant. Noah was hollering it as loudly as the others, and Jacob felt taunted and humiliated in his retreat.

As was expected of him, he filed a report of the battle and sent it to headquarters, and received from General Melton this reply:

Major: you have the honor to report that the numbers of men now under your command qualifies you for promotion to colonel. But you ask me to believe that your regiments assaulted Rebel forces in a pitched battle of over two hours duration, all the while steadily employing the heavy field pieces recently shipped to you, without one single battle death on either side. Sir, that is not warfare. That is fraternization with the enemy! Fraternization with the enemy is a serious dereliction of duty, punishable by death. But I am loath to have you and your entire command hanged. Therefore I am demoting you to captain and placing my brother, Major Melton, in command of your regiments, with instructions to improve their abilities to spill blood, maim, and, I hope, deprive the enemy of life. You will answer to him, and, I hope, render him every assistance in dispersing and exterminating the Confederate forces in Newton County.

The bearer of this letter was Major Melton himself, who said to Jacob, “Just out of curiosity, could you tell me how five hundred men could mobilize and fight for over two hours without a single one getting killed?”

“It weren’t easy,” Jacob admitted.

“Don’t your men aim their weapons in the general direction of the enemy?” Major Melton wanted to know.

“Shore,” Jacob replied, “we shoot at ’em.”

“And the enemy, I assume, shoot at you. Might I ask how much ammunition was used at Whiteley’s Mill?”

Jacob calculated. “Wal, we started out with a thousand rounds of cannon shot and ten thousand of rifle shot, and when it was all over we were near ’bout shotless. That’s the main reason I had to retreat.”

“And not a single one of those rounds hit anybody?”

“Wal, there was this one Reb who was tryin to take off his bepissed pants, and he tripped, and…”

“I heard about that,” Major Melton interrupted, impatiently. “Sir, you make a joke of war.”

“War is a purty sorry joke,” Jacob opined.

“My fear is that you and your men, as well as the enemy, will eventually persuade yourselves that this conflict is all a lot of foolishness and simply call it off without consulting higher echelons.”

“That is your fear,” said Jacob, “and my hope.”

“Would you prefer,” Major Melton asked, “that your regiments be transferred to a theater of operations where the enemy are not cousins and brothers?”

“I’d a heap sight prefer that to this,” Jacob declared.

“All right. I’ll recommend it to Headquarters. But first,” Major Melton held up his index finger, “we have a job to do.”

Major Melton took over command of Jacob’s cavalry and infantry regiments, and Jacob was demoted to the captaincy of Company A of the cavalry regiment; this company was composed mainly of the original Stay More men. Major Melton assembled all of the troops and made a long speech to them, explaining the necessity of killing, and pointing out that a refusal to kill amounted to fraternization with the enemy, a dereliction of duty punishable by death. The men listened sullenly and suspiciously, and when Major Melton was finished with them they reverted to their old habits of smashing their fists into their palms, and, because the movements of the armies had knocked down every post and there were no posts to kick, and all the dogs in the county had learned to hide at the sight of man, they kicked each other. Jacob