The Art of Conversation - Catherine Blyth [78]
In his 1854 Rhetoric of Conversation, George Hervey advised
Do not seek a reputation for humility by always daintily avoiding the pronoun I.
But at work “I think” admits this is your impression, tacitly inviting others to correct it.
Receiving: Judicious listeners adhere, at least on the surface, to the premise of innocent until proven guilty, seeking and sifting clues as to where someone is coming from before deciding where he’s going, never mind offering an opinion about whether or not it is a good idea. A methodical approach explores data, then opinions, then propositions, then solutions and decisions. To focus talk, pose questions, repeat, paraphrase. Acknowledge sentiments even if you don’t agree with the interpretation ascribed, and if conversation bogs down, step outside it: Observe that it has become sticky, inviting others to explore why.
There is no better means than listening to avoid destructive power games, which fritter away a business relationship’s huge asset: the sense of obligation. Indeed, obligation can create a relationship. Benjamin Franklin tamed an ardent political enemy by asking to borrow a book: a small debt that brought a new topic of conversation, then a bond.
TWO-WAY DANCES AND HYDRA-HEADED MONSTERS
Nice and easy? So it is not always simple. (See Chapters 6 and 13 for nipping and tucking awkward moments.) On the other hand, in most business conversation, whether a dialogue or a many-mouthed meeting, you will have but one motive:
➺ Rule five: Find the best solution—usually yours
For this, the message to get across is: You want to work with me.
A service ethos can carry you anywhere. Noam Gottesman, megabucked founder of GLG hedge fund, attributed his success to:
Paranoia. The secret is about what the clients want. We work in a “what have you done for me lately?” business.
Don’t we all?
Showing what you’ve done lately, like showing what you can do next, means convincing the other side that your solution fits their needs—and, very often, convincing them of precisely what it is they want. Here is a checklist of tactics for doing so:
Research: Where do interests and advantages meet and diverge?
Align: Map your offer on to their requirements.
Anticipate: Likely questions and objections. Can you build positive answers to potential concerns into a pitch? (A five-year degree? All that charity work . . .)
Timing: Think when is most expedient to raise issues or throw in something unexpected.
Lead/follow: In pitch situations, the seller leads—preferable to interviews, where you dance to another’s tune, offering a mini product trial. (My nadir? An hour waiting for Liza Minnelli’s ex, David Gest; twenty minutes more as he ordered snacks and chatted to someone else. Finally he removed his shades: “Soooo. Talk.” I corpsed.)
Soften the dynamics, but don’t ignore them. Interviews are voyages of discovery, each side tacking in a different direction: the interviewer pushes for information while the interviewee pulls the interviewer into an avuncular, advisory mode. If either overdoes it, conversation will feel a jumpy failure. So read the signals, match the other’s pace.
Wait: If silence is the enemy, rush to fill it and you become your own. Pity Topman clothing brand director David Shepherd, on being asked his target market:
Hooligans or whatever. Very few of our customers have to wear suits for work. They’ll be for his first interview or first court case.
Fear not: Lower emotional stakes to increase confidence. Consider interviews as ways to meet interesting people, and bring your own comfort zone: Memorize five points to convey and you’ll feel less like prey (avoiding palpitatory fight-or-flight feelings).
Be easy to look at and hear: Locking eyes announces this is a meeting of equals. When her daughter Floella said she had a job interview, Veronica Benjamin sat her down, beaded her hair, and said, “Do not take your eyes