The Art of Manliness - Manvotionals - Brett McKay [51]
“But for my own sake I do not regret this journey, which has shown that Englishmen can endure hardships, help one another, and meet death with as great a fortitude as ever in the past. We took risks, we knew we took them; things have come out against us, and therefore we have no cause for complaint, but bow to the will of providence, determined still to do our best to the last. … Had we lived, I should have had a tale to tell of the hardihood, endurance, and courage of my companions which would have stirred the heart of every Englishman. These rough notes and our dead bodies must tell the tale.”
The men died ten days later. They were found frozen in their sleeping bags. Although the explorers carried lethal doses of opium and morphine, which would have enabled them to end their suffering and take their own lives, these supplies remained untouched.
The following is the letter Scott wrote to Kathleen, his wife and the mother of their three-year-old son, Peter. She did not receive it until the doomed explorer’s body was found in 1913.
Note: The punctuation and format of the letter has been slightly edited. Scott struggled to write the letter in subzero temperatures over the course of several days, scribbling his thoughts as best he could, filling several pages, and then writing across the backs of the paper. The letter ends abruptly and without a signature.
To My Widow
Dearest darling – We are in a very tight corner and I have doubts of pulling through – In one short lunch hour I take advantage of a very small measure of warmth to write letters preparatory to a possible end – The first is naturally to you on whom my thoughts mostly dwell waking or sleeping – If anything happens to me I shall like you to know how much you have meant to me and what pleasant recollections are with me as I depart –
I should like you to take what comfort you can from these facts also – I shall not have suffered any pain but leave the world fresh from harness & full of good health & vigour – this is decided already – when provisions come to an end we Simply stop unless we are within easy distance of another depot –Therefore you must not imagine a great tragedy – we are very anxious of course & have been for weeks but our splendid physical condition and our appetites compensate for all discomfort – The cold is trying & sometimes angering but here again the hot food which drives it forth is so wonderfully enjoyable that one would scarcely be without it.
We have gone down hill a good deal since I wrote the above – Poor Titus Oates has gone – he was in a bad state. The rest of us keep going and imagine we have a chance to get through but the cold weather doesn’t let up at all. We are now only 20 miles from a depot but we have very little food & fuel
Well dear heart I want you to take the whole thing very sensibly as I’m sure you will. The boy will be your comfort. I had looked forward to helping you to bring him up but it is a satisfaction to feel that he is safe with you. I think both he and you ought to be specially looked after by the country for which after all we have given our lives with something of spirit which makes for example – I am writing letters on this point in the end of this book after this. Will you send them to their various destinations? I must write a little letter for the boy if time can be found to be read when he grows up. The inherited vice from my side of the family is indolence – above all he must guard & you must guard him against that. Make him a strenuous man. I had to force myself into being strenuous, as you know – had always an inclination to be idle, my father was idle and it brought much trouble.
Dearest that you know I cherish no sentimental rubbish about re marriage – when the right man comes to help you in life you ought to be your happy self again – I wasn’t a very good husband but I hope I shall be a good memory – certainly the end is nothing for you to be ashamed of and I like to think that the boy will have a good start in parentage of which he may be proud.
Dear it is not easy to write