The Ascendant Stars - Michael Cobley [170]
‘But that’s not true.’
Every pair of eyes looked at him. Talavera turned her head to regard him, a cool smile on her lips, eyebrows arched slightly, as if awaiting an explanation. Robert could only speak the feelings that came from that old ache in his chest.
‘It’s not true because I still carry the guilt,’ he said. ‘Doesn’t matter how it’s explained, or how rationally or logically it’s interpreted, I know the fault is mine. I should have done something, done what was needed. But I didn’t … didn’t even try. So the guilt is still mine to carry.’
Smiling, Talavera shook her head and, without taking her eyes off Robert, made a sweeping gesture with her arm. The audience of Rosas and the other women vanished. Startled, Robert stared about him for a moment, then back at Talavera in a kind of slow-dawning comprehension.
‘Not so much an entrance as an unveiling,’ he said. ‘It’s a great honour to finally meet you.’
The Godhead shrugged. ‘Actually, it’s a little over a thousandth of me, but that still amounts to a considerable portion of my attention. Ever since you became involved with Darien and the Construct I’ve been watching the changes and quandaries you’ve managed to survive. The sheer resilience you’ve displayed has been inspiring, which is why this matter of guilt is so bothersome.’
The Godhead, looking like a woman called Talavera, came and sat on the arm of the chair next to Robert’s.
‘You see, this is all about body chemistry and mind-body image imprinting. Just as a child makes its parents part of its world, so too do parents with their offspring. You’ve admitted that the rational arguments are correct yet you still carry this terrible burden – well, that is nothing more than your mind-body image still trying to cope with the loss of a vestigial part, and the turbulence that it causes in your body chemistry.’ The woman laughed and patted his shoulder. ‘That’s it, that’s all. I hereby pronounce you innocent of all charges, by virtue of the powers invested in me by myself, et cetera.’
Robert gazed at this improbable personage, listening to its rationalisation for a guilt-free existence, wanting to shout in its face that his feelings weren’t merely the flow of chemicals in his bloodstream, yet held back by the urge for self-preservation.
‘I literally don’t know what to say,’ he muttered.
‘Then listen,’ the Godhead said. ‘My origins stretch back to the dawn of an earlier universe. I’ve seen empires and entire species rise and fall; some I’ve aided, others I’ve sabotaged. I’ve seen intellects of surpassing enlightenment pierce the workings of reality to the interlocking enigmas beneath, and I’ve seen minds full of blankness devise and build star-spanning tyrannies of regimented cruelty and turn whole planets into machines of pain.
‘And yet existence is not merely confined to cycles of struggle – there is also transcendence, the elevation to a higher plane of being. After a great many centuries of study I have found the way, Robert, and very soon I will ascend to a superior continuum. If you wish, you can accompany me.’
The Godhead watched him closely, dark eyes intently fixed upon him. How strange it was to hear such grandiose pronouncements and offers come from the lips of a black-haired Human woman. Yet Robert could sense the presence behind that stare, speculating that it consisted of a bit more than a thousandth of its colossal attention.
He swallowed. Time to throw self-preservation to the wind.
‘I’m humbled by this astonishing offer – I can hardly see how I could be considered worthy of such an honour … ’
‘You deserve it, Robert,’ Talavera said. ‘Down through the aeons, only a handful of sentients have reached the place where you now stand.’
‘Understanding this adds new lustre to my good fortune,’ Robert said as he moved round to sit on the back of the chair, gazing out at the city in the clouds. ‘But before I decide one way or another, I wonder if you could clarify a few puzzles for me.’
Talavera was still smiling, yet motionless in her regard. ‘Go