The Beast Within - Emile Zola [148]
To Jacques, the frail little creature that lay so small and slender in his arms had become a mystery, an impenetrable abyss; a darkness, as she had put it. No matter how tightly he held her to him, he could not enter her soul. This tale of murder, whispered into his ear as they lay in each other’s arms, excited him.
‘Tell me,’ he said, ‘did you help to kill him?’
‘I was sitting in one of the window seats,’ she continued without answering him. ‘My husband was sitting between me and the President, who was in the other window seat. They were talking about the coming elections ... From time to time I noticed my husband lean forward and look outside to see where we were; he seemed to be getting impatient. Every time he looked outside, I looked outside as well; so I knew how far we had come too. It wasn’t very dark, and you could see the shape of the trees rushing past the window. All the time you could hear the carriage wheels squealing on the railway line; it wasn’t the usual sound, it was a terrible clamour of hysterical, whining voices, like the pitiful howling of animals being slaughtered. The train ran on, faster and faster ... Suddenly we saw some lights through the window, and the noise of the train grew louder as it went through a station. It was Maromme, already two and a half leagues from Rouen. The next station was Malaunay, and then Barentin. Where was it going to happen? Was he going to wait until the last minute? I had lost all sense of time and distance; I had abandoned myself like a falling stone, plummeting through the echoing darkness. Then suddenly, as we went through Malaunay, it came to me; he was going to do it in the tunnel, a kilometre further on ... I turned towards my husband, and our eyes met. Yes, it would be in the tunnel, in another two minutes ... The train ran on. We passed the junction for Dieppe; I noticed the signalman standing beside his cabin. The railway runs through a series of hills at that point on the line, and I had a clear impression that there were men standing on the top of them with their hands raised in the air shouting curses at us. Then the engine gave a long whistle ... the train was about to enter the tunnel. Its walls closed in around us. The noise was deafening! A great clanging of iron, like hammers striking an anvil! I didn’t know what was happening. To me it sounded like thunder.’
She was shaking all over. She paused. Then, in a different voice, almost jokingly, she said, ‘Isn’t it silly. I feel chilled to the bone, and yet it’s so lovely and warm in bed with you. I feel so happy! Anyway, I don’t have to worry about it any more; the inquiry has been shelved. The government bigwigs want to keep it quiet as much as we do, I know they do. So I’m not bothered.’
She laughed out loud and added: ‘Heavens above, Jacques! You gave us a real fright, and no mistake! Tell me, I’ve always wondered about it ... what exactly did you see?’
‘What I told the judge,’ he said. ‘No more than that! One man slitting another man’s throat. But you were so nice to me I began to doubt my own mind. At one point I thought I recognized your husband ... but it was only later that I became absolutely certain ...’
She interrupted him, with a little laugh.
‘I know,’ she said. ‘It was in the square in Paris, when you held my hand and said you loved me and I told you we might be seen. Do you remember? It was the first time we were on our own together in Paris ... How strange! I told you it wasn’t us, and all the time I knew perfectly well that you knew it was! It was almost as if I had told you everything. I’ve thought about it so often, darling. I think that was when I first fell in love with you.’
They hugged each other so tightly that they seemed to melt into each other. Séverine continued: ‘The train ran on through the tunnel ... It’s a very long tunnel; it takes three