The Beautiful Between - Alyssa B. Sheinmel [35]
“So I’m thinking about doing these applications and I’m thinking about whether Kate will be there while I do them.”
Jeremy presses at the corners of his eyes with his fingers. I imagine that in his head he’s thinking: She’ll be okay. She’ll be okay.
“Anyway,” he says finally, “I wish everyone would just shut up about them so I could stop thinking that far ahead.”
I feel bad. I’m one of those people, obsessing about my grades and the SATs, joining clubs at the last minute so I’ll have interesting extracurricular activities on my applications. But Jeremy says, “I don’t mean you, Sternin. Just that overall buzz at school.”
“I don’t think we can do anything about the buzz, Jer.”
“I know.”
I wait a second before asking: “How is Kate?”
“I don’t know. Worse, but I can’t tell. She’s still just Kate. I’m at school when she’s at the hospital, and she’s usually home when I get home.”
“The school must know—the administration, I mean; they know why she’s absent?”
“Yeah, of course they know. Everyone knows. Can’t keep a secret at that school.”
I nod, thinking of Mike Cohen in the lunchroom.
Jeremy continues, “It’s hard enough to keep a secret in this town.”
“It’s okay if everyone knows, Jer; there’s nothing you can do about it, so it’s okay. They really do care about you, and about Kate.”
“I know, but it’s just … I don’t want to accept anyone’s support yet. I don’t want to worry about being polite and saying the right thing. I just want to hang with Kate.”
“Jeremy, I know it’s frustrating to think everyone knows your business. I mean, imagine how I felt. We’d never said two words to each other and you knew how my dad died—that my dad died.” Jeremy looks apologetic, so I finish the thought quickly; I hadn’t meant to make him feel bad. “But it was okay. Because it doesn’t really matter that you knew.
“And anyway,” I continue, “maybe it was a good thing, because it’s why we became friends.”
“Sternin, it’s not why we’re friends.”
“No, but it’s why you befriended me to begin with.” I pause before asking, “Right?”
Jeremy looks guilty.
“It’s okay. You thought I might know something—that I might, I don’t know, be able to give you advice or something.”
“I did. My parents—I should have told you this sooner—they’re friends with the doctor who treated your father.”
I don’t say anything. I wait for Jeremy to explain.
“He was over one night for dinner, giving my parents advice, and he said he thought there was a girl in my class who’d been through it—he said he remembered; he used to work with the guy. Your dad was a doctor, right?”
I nod. That sounds right. I think I’ve heard that.
“He said it was a real tragic story, the kind you don’t forget—” Jeremy stops quickly. “He didn’t get into specifics,” he says quietly. “He just assumed I must have known your dad had had cancer. Thought I might want to talk to you.”
“Oh.”
“But really, I promise, I wasn’t thinking about it like that. I thought it was a weird thing for him to suggest, really. But then, I don’t know. I guess I thought, Maybe there is something she knows, something she could tell me.” He pauses and looks straight at me—he’s much braver than I am when I’ve done something I’m ashamed of. “I’m sorry, Sternin. It was rotten.”
“It’s okay. Really.” Jeremy looks so sad, I decide to make a joke. “Hey, I was just glad when I figured it out. I was beginning to think your talking to me was part of some elaborate prank.”
Jeremy grins. “Still could be.”
“Nah, I know you like me,” I say, smiling back, looking straight at him. I know that he likes me, however unlikely that seemed before.
His grin turns sheepish, and he puts his arm around me. “You’re a good friend, Connelly Jane.” He pats my shoulder.
“So are you, Jeremy Staddler.”
“Kate could be gone by the time we get into college.”
He says that quickly, and I think it’s the first time he’s said it out loud. I don’t know what to say. I won’t agree with him. There are always more treatments, more chances. I’m quiet.
Jeremy’s face betrays nothing. We could be talking about the weather.
“I never thought