The Beautiful Between - Alyssa B. Sheinmel [62]
“I can’t imagine how tough this day was for you.”
Jeremy nods and then he grins, one of his crazy big smiles. “We got lost on the way to the cemetery.”
“What?” I ask, beginning to laugh.
“In that hearse, with Kate in the back—I swear to God, all of a sudden we were driving down past all these cookie-cutter houses. The driver just kept going because he didn’t want us to know he was lost. Then all of a sudden he pulled into one of the driveways—you know, to turn around. That kinda gave it away, finally.”
“That’s really funny,” I say, covering my mouth.
“I know; my parents and I were laughing so hard, you wouldn’t believe it. Felt like Kate was playing a trick on us.”
“Maybe she just wanted you to remember something funny about today.”
Jeremy nods. “Yeah, I bet she did.”
“I bet she did,” I echo.
Jeremy shifts his gaze beyond me, out onto Madison Avenue, and smiles faintly. I smile too. I know we’re both thinking about Kate. Being without her still feels new, and strange.
Jeremy lights a couple of cigarettes, and we both take long drags.
Jeremy exhales. “Did you do it?”
“I did.”
He smiles at me. “Good.”
He doesn’t ask me for more, and I don’t want to tell him yet. I’m not ready to tell him yet. I know my mother wouldn’t want me to, and I’ll respect her wishes for now. I know I will tell him. But not tonight; maybe not for a long time.
“How do you feel?” he asks.
I think for a moment. My body is finally completely calm. The itching has stopped and my skin feels soft under my clothes. It occurs to me that this is the most princess-y thing ever to happen to me; not Rapunzel, a peasant girl locked in her tower, but Sleeping Beauty in the woods, a princess from a different kingdom. They tried to protect her by raising her without letting her know who or what she was. And then one day, maybe because of a boy she met in the forest, she’s told that she’s royal, but that hers was a tragic and dangerous beginning, a tightly kept secret. But still, she returns to the palace to live the life she was born for—which, as it happens, totally plunges her into that world of danger from which they’d been trying to protect her all those years. If only she’d always known the whole story: maybe then, she wouldn’t have pricked her finger on that spindle after all. Or, at least, she’d have known what to expect when she did.
And so I feel, for once, like a princess.
I answer Jeremy: “Different.”
He nods. “How do you feel?” I ask.
He smiles down at me, tosses his cigarette on the ground, and puts his arm around me. “Different.”
I toss my cigarette next to his and stamp them both out.
“And cold,” I add, relaxing in his hold.
“Me too. Only a few more months and we’ll be smoking in the springtime.”
I smile and lean against him. I feel warm.
But we were never lonely and never afraid when we were together.
—Ernest Hemingway
A Farewell to Arms
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To my friends and colleagues at Random House Children’s Books: Thank you very much for supporting this book.
Thanks to Erin Clarke for her constant guidance and encouragement; for knowing what needed to be said, as well as what was better left unsaid. Thanks to Nancy Hinkel and the entire Knopf editorial team. My thanks to Chip Gibson for his support, sense of humor, and unending kindness. Thanks to Kate Gartner and Isabel Warren-Lynch for the beautiful cover. Many, many thanks to my friends in marketing and publicity. And, to my family in retail and consumer marketing: Thank you for being a splendid place to call home.
My endless appreciation to Sarah Burnes for her unyielding optimism, patience, and editorial savvy. Thanks to everyone at the Gernert Company, especially Courtney Gatewood.
I have been very lucky to have had magnificent teachers—at P.S. 24, Spence, and Barnard—as well as lucky to have read extraordinary writers, whose work has made my life infinitely better. Thank you for encouraging me to write and, moreover, for teaching me to read. Thanks especially to Mary Gordon and Caz Phillips.
Thanks to my marvelous group of friends and my extended family