The Bell - Iris Murdoch [119]
'You can't be serious!' moaned Dora, distracted. 'You don't know what he's like. You've only seen him at parties. The Bishop will arrive any moment and then everyone will come and Paul will make a scene and I couldn't bear it!'
'You're a dreadful girl,' said Noel. 'You placate Paul until you can't stand it any longer and then you run away and then you get frightened and then you start placating him again. You must either knuckle under completely or else fight him. Quite apart from anything else, your present policy isn't fair to Paul. You won't really know whether you want to stay with him until you've fought him openly on equal terms, and not just by running away. And my guess is that once you start to fight you'll know you can't stay with Paul. And this is where I begin to get interested. You're unreliable and untidy and ignorant and totally exasperating but somehow I'd like to see you around the place again.'
'Gosh, you aren't falling in love with me?' cried Dora horrified.
'I don't use that terminology,' said Noel, 'so let's just say that I miss you. It's not out of sight out of mind any more, my girl.'
'Oh Lord!' said Dora. 'Look, Noel, I just haven't time for this just now. I'm terribly sorry, I do appreciate it and all that, and I know you're serious and I will explain, but the fact is I've got a plan on just now, nothing to do with Paul, and if things blow up over you it'll spoil it all - so do be an angel and go away. I will tell you all about it, only it's so terribly complicated. Do go, Noel, before something happens.'
'Sorry Dora,' said Noel. 'Just this once uncle Noel is going to do what he wants and not what you want. Where shall I put my car? I suppose I'd better leave the way clear for the Bish's Rolls Royce.'
'Now you're bullying me!' said Dora, almost in tears.
'Well, really,' said Noel. 'You call it bullying when I carry out my plan instead of yours. I almost sympathize with Paul. I think I'll drive into this yard, it looks a suitable place.' He got into the car, switched the engine on, and began to crawl round and through the open doors of the stable yard.
Dora watched him, despairing. She knew from his manner that he was quite determined to stay. It was no use pleading any further. This being so she must take some other steps to avoid an explosion. As it was, Paul would certainly be wanting to quarrel with her all night. But her immediate concern was to prevent a scene of open violence. Her own rites were after all to be the climax of the ceremony, and although a certain amount of chaos and failure in the preliminaries would not displease her she didn't want the thing to break down too badly; and in any case quite simply she feared the hideousness of Paul's anger exposed to the public view. She turned back along the gravel. There was the bell and there was Mrs Mark still tacking down ribbons, only two or three of which still streamed like banners. Dora's mind, attuned by brief practice to the exigencies of generalship, functioned. It was no good spending more time disputing with Noel. What time remained must be spent otherwise. How?
Dora's first instinct was to rush straight to Paul and tell him herself before he found out in some other way. Perhaps she could break it to him gently, calm him down, explain. She began to run along the terrace, passing Mrs Mark who looked at her inquiringly and started to say something. But before she got to the steps she was vividly picturing the scene and had changed her mind. As soon as Paul knew that Noel was here he would be deaf to any further commentary from her. Incoherent with rage and jealousy he would charge straight past her. She could never control him. Who could? She ran back again, once more passing Mrs Mark, who once more looked at her inquiringly and started to say something, and began to ascend the steps to the balcony. Noel, who had emerged from the stable yard, came across and began