The Bell - Iris Murdoch [126]
'Nick, you're raving!' cried Toby, raising his voice to check Nick's increasingly loud and excited utterance. 'Let me out!'
'You shall stay to the end,' said Nick. 'The interesting part is just beginning. Do you imagine that I'm ranting in the void? By no means. What I have to say most intimately concerns each member of my congregation, and as you are its only member, apart from Murphy who is without sin, it most intimately concerns you.' He took a quick drink from the bottle. Toby had risen from his chair.
'Listen to me,' said Nick, speaking more rapidly and pointing his finger. 'Do you imagine I don't know all the tricks you are up to, Toby, all your little games? You treat me as if I were a piece of furniture, you think I don't notice what goes on under my nose - but I've made you a subject of loving study, Toby. And how you repay study, dear boy, believe me. So pure, so pretty, when you arrived, feeling yourself so good, belonging also to the communion of saints. What a pleasure that was, to be sure, it did my heart good to see you enjoying it all so much. But then what happens, what do we find? Our innocent, how quickly he learns. His head is turned, his vanity is tickled. He has found something more pleasurable now than religious emotion. A flirtation under the walls of a nunnery - what could be more thrilling? So first he plays the woman and then, to make sure he can do both, he plays the man!'
'Stop it, Nick, stop it!' cried Toby. He stood right before him with clenched fists and a burning face.
'I've seen you at it,' said Nick. 'I've seen your love life in the woods, tempting our virtuous leader to sodomy and our delightful penitent to adultery. What an achievement! So young and so extremely versatile!' He drank some more from the bottle.
'Get out of the way!' said Toby. He was almost incoherent with distress and anger and fear. 'It's nothing to do with you.'
'Isn't it?' said Nick. 'After all, we're supposed to be looking after each other, aren't we? We are members one of another. You never bothered to look after me, but I take my responsibilities more seriously. I can hold the mirror up to you as well as the next man. What are you going to do about it? That's what I want to know. And what about your little frolic with the bell? Oh yes, I know all about the bell too, and that faked-up miracle you're planning with your female sweetheart.'
'Shut up!' cried Toby. He advanced on Nick and began pulling at the table. Nick uncurled his legs but still sat there laughing. Toby was unable to move the table.
'Wretched child,' said Nick. 'I told you you'd have to stay till the end. I wonder if you have any idea of the harm you're causing? To poor Michael for instance. But as for Michael his cup is filling and will soon run over, though not in the way the psalmist meant. Do you think you can play fast and loose like that with a religious man? Perhaps you think he smothers you with kisses and then goes to the Communion table with a light heart? You are busy destroying a man's faith, undermining his life, preparing his ruin - and even then you can't give it all your attention but start playing charades with a bloody bitch!'
'Oh stop, stop, stop!' shouted Toby. He plunged forward seizing Nick by the shoulder, meaning to pull him from his perch. Nick immediately gripped the boy about the neck and they fell struggling to the floor. Murphy began to whine and then to bark. Nick was the stronger.
'Shut up, Murphy, you're in church!' said Nick. Nick had now got one of Toby's arms twisted behind him and his knee braced in the boy's back. Toby's head