The Bell - Iris Murdoch [135]
After a moment or two Catherine, brushing Dora off, paused and half-turning said, 'I am all right alone.' Her face had an odd staring look.
'I'm so sorry,' said Dora, not knowing whether to leave her or not.
'You see,' said Catherine, 'it was because of me. You didn't know, did you? It was a sign.' She began to walk on.
Dora, seeing her face thought: Catherine has gone mad. This was the thought which had struck her at once when she had been rudely pushed aside, but which had seemed too fantastic to entertain. Catherine had seemed quite normal on the previous day. Surely people don't go mad suddenly. Dora, who had had no experience of mad people, stood frozen with fear and horror while the white figure of Catherine disappeared along the path.
When she had vanished between the trees Dora's instinct was to rush back to the Court for help. But then she decided that it was more important to pursue Catherine and persuade her to return. In that condition she might wander away into the woods and not be found. Dora was also moved by a desire not to make a fool of herself or make any more trouble. She might after all be quite wrong about Catherine, and to raise a false alarm when there was so much else for everyone to think about would be more than tiresome. She hurried forward and soon saw Catherine's white dress ahead of her.
It then occurred to Dora that they would soon be in the vicinity of the barn, and that Paul might still be there. This encouraged her and she ran on, once more calling Catherine's name. Catherine paid no attention and when Dora caught up with her the second time she seemed to be murmuring things to herself. Looking at that flushed distracted face Dora felt no doubt that her first instinct had been right. She seized Catherine's dress and at the same time began to shout for Paul. They came out into the open space by the ramp, Catherine hurrying and Dora holding on to her and shouting. There was no response from the barn. Paul must have left it; as it turned out later he had gone back by the concrete road to the Court to telephone a London colleague. Dora and Catherine were alone in the wood.
Dora gave up her shouting and said to Catherine, 'Do come back to the house now, please do.'
Catherine, without looking round, pushed Dora away from her, and said in a clear voice, 'For Christ's sake leave me alone.'
Dora, who was beginning to be a little incensed as well as alarmed, said, 'Look here, Catherine, you're being silly. You come along with me.'
Catherine turned back at her, grinning suddenly with a smile that resembled the harsh unfading smiles her brother used. She said to Dora, 'God has reached out His hand. A white garment cannot conceal a wicked heart. There is no passing through that gate. Good-bye.'
They had passed the ramp now and reached a place where the path was very close to the edge, fringed on the lake side by tall rushes. An area of mud and green weeds lay between the bank and the dear water. Catherine turned away from Dora and began to walk into the lake.
She moved so quickly, plunging directly through the wall of rushes, that Dora was left standing, staring at the place where she had disappeared from view. A loud squelching sound came from beyond the rushes. Dora gave a scream and followed. Without hesitation she plunged through the greenery and gave another scream as she felt the ground give way beneath her. She sank in the mud almost to her knees. Catherine had managed to take another two steps and was farther out. Almost with deliberation, like a timid bather, she subsided into the gluey mess of weeds and muddy water, struggling to get farther from the shore. She lay sideways, the shoulder of her dress still strangely clean and white above the surface.
Dora called to Catherine, and then screamed again. But who would hear? Everyone was so busy and so far away. She reached out, trying to reach Catherine, lost