The Bell - Iris Murdoch [139]
The brothers are a self-governing body, subject to no defined ecclesiastical authority. They make no vows of chastity or of poverty. Who supports them? Voluntary contributors. An appeal for contributions is shortly to be issued, to be followed by a swelling of the numbers of brothers and sisters. The community occupies a charming eighteenth-century house in extensive grounds.
Well,' said Paul, 'have you read it all?'
'Yes,' said Dora.
'And are you pleased with your achievement?'
'Not very.'
'Not very? You mean you're a little pleased?'
'I'm not pleased at all.'
'I suppose you realize you've probably done permanent damage to these excellent people?'
'Yes.'
'Whose idea was it? Gashe's or Spens's?'
'Mine.'
'And you still say you had nothing to do with what happened to the new bell?'
'Nothing.'
'I wonder why I ask you questions when I never believe what you say.'
'Oh, do stop, Paul,' said Dora. Her eyes filled with unshed tears.
'I can't understand you,' said Paul. 'I'm beginning to wonder whether you aren't mentally ill. Perhaps you'd better see a psychiatrist in London.'
'I won't see a psychiatrist,' said Dora.
'You will if I decide you will,' said Paul.
The distant sound of the train vibrated on the still air. They both turned and looked down the line. The train was coming into view, a long way off. Paul got up and lifted his suitcase and advanced towards the edge of the platform.
There was a commotion in the station yard. Dora looked round and saw that the Land-Rover had just drawn up outside. Out of it tumbled Mark Strafford, Mrs Mark, Sister Ursula, Catherine, and Toby. The train roared into the station.
Paul was busy finding himself an empty first-class compartment near the front with a corner seat facing the engine. Mrs Mark bustled Catherine straight through on to the platform, followed by Sister Ursula. Mark and Toby went to the booking-office. Mrs Mark saw Dora and piloted Catherine in the opposite direction. Mark followed his wife and gave her some tickets. Toby emerged, saw Dora, looked away, turned back, and waved half-heartedly then got into the nearest carriage by himself. Mark and Mrs Mark spent some time finding a suitable carriage for Catherine. They found it and Mrs Mark pushed Catherine in and got in herself. They shut the door, and Sister Ursula stood by on the platform, talking smilingly to them through the window. Mark went back to look for Toby, discovered where he was, opened the door a little and stood with one foot on the footboard, talking.
Paul had stowed his things, opened the window, and leaned there frowning at Dora. He said, 'I expect you at Knightsbridge tomorrow about three o'clock. I shall be there waiting for you.'
'All right,' said Dora.
'You understood all my instructions about the packing?'
'Yes.'
'Well, good-bye,' said Paul. 'I won't go through the farce of kissing you.'
'Oh Paul, don't be so beastly,' said Dora. The tears spilled on to her cheeks. 'Do say something nice to me before you go.'
Paul looked at her with cold eyes. 'Yes,' he said, 'you want me to comfort you now when you're in trouble. But last March, when I came home and found that you'd left me, there was no one to comfort me then, was there? Just you think it over. No, don't paw me. I'm not sexually attracted to you at this moment. I sometimes wonder whether I ever will be again.'
'Close all the doors, please,' shouted the porter, who had once been as far as Paddington.
Mark stepped back, shut the door, and stood laughing loudly at something he had just said to Toby.
'Paul, I'm so sorry,' said Dora.
'How absolutely not enough that is!' said Paul. 'I advise you to do some serious thinking, if you're capable of it.' He fumbled in his wallet. 'Here,' he said, 'is something you might think about. Bring it back to me in London. I always carry it with me.' He handed her an envelope. The whistle blew. The train began to move.
Paul pulled up his window at