The Bell - Iris Murdoch [21]
'I'm sorry, James, I ought to have consulted you,' said Michael, 'but last week was frantic and it went right out of my head. In any case, I still think it's worth trying. We needn't make heavy weather of it. If the boy hates being there, or Nick is unpleasant to him, we'll move him back to the house. But I'm certain it'll be O.K. And it would relieve my mind if someone was there with Nick.'
'Why not send one of ourselves to keep an eye on Nick?' said James.
'Precisely for that reason,' said Michael, 'that he'd know he was being kept an eye on. If we send the boy, Nick'll feel responsible for him.'
'You think too well of Nick, and that's the plain truth,' said James. 'If you'd seen as much as I have of that type of person you'd be more suspicious.'
'I don't think too well of him,' said Michael, 'I don't think well of him at all, and I certainly know him better than you do. I think he's a poor fish. I'm afraid of his melancholy, that's all.'
'I'm not afraid of his melancholy,' said James, 'I'm afraid of his capacity to make mischief. The more I think of it, Michael, the more I'm sure we made a mistake when we took him in. I know how one feels about such a case, and I think I agreed with you at the time, at least I let you talk me round. I admit too that I don't really understand his background. But it's obviously a complex business, a bad history there. I doubt if we can do him any good, and meanwhile he can do us plenty of harm."
'Anyhow, we've got him,' said Michael, 'for better or worse, and we can't chuck him out, just now especially, because of Catherine.'
'I know, I know,’ said James. 'It's most unfortunate. All the same, I wish I had your faith. I know faith in people, or perhaps one should say faith for people, works miracles. And a miracle's what's needed here. Still, to come down to the common-sense level, I'd rather have kept the boy in the house. We're responsible for him too, you know.'
'He'll take no harm,' said Michael. 'He's got his head screwed on. I like him very much, by the way; you were quite right. That sort of youthful integrity is proof against infections. He'll be working hard anyway, he won't actually be in the Lodge very much - and he may provide just that link with Nick that we haven't managed to make so far.'
Toby began to walk backwards very quietly. When he got off the cobble stones onto the grass he began to run back toward the front of the house. The grass was longish and he had to go leaping through it. He hoped he was not making too much noise. When he reached the terrace he slowed down and walked slowly across the gravel, getting his breath, and up the steps to the balcony. The lights were still on in the hall and in the common room, and the doors stood open but there seemed to be nobody there. Toby stood still on the balcony, tense and irresolute. He was extremely disturbed by what he had overheard and by having overheard it. The simplicity and curiously pure charm of the scene had disappeared in an instant. He now felt extreme disquietude at the thought of living in the Lodge. On the other hand, he felt very flattered as well as startled at the confidence that was being shown in him, and excited as at the prospect of an adventure. His thoughts were in a turmoil.
Before he had time to reflect any further a shadow fell from the common room doorway and Michael Meade appeared. Toby stepped forward into the light.
'Ah, there you are!' said Michael. 'I'm terribly sorry we kept you waiting. We'll go on down to the Lodge now, if you're ready. Have you got your bag?'
'It's here,' said Toby. He picked it up from beside the doorway.
'Can you manage?' said Michael. 'Let me carry one side.'
They went down the steps together, across the terrace and down onto the yew tree patch. Michael walked with a slight stoop, darting glances at this companion.
'We'll go across by the ferry,' he said. 'We don't use the causeway except for going to the Abbey.'
They stepped onto the wooden landing-stage, and the sound of their footsteps echoed in the hollow space