The Bell - Iris Murdoch [90]
'Darling, you do that small thing!' said Noel. ‘I’ll bring you your drink in the bathroom. I suppose the sybaritic practice of bathing was forbidden at the convent."
At Imber the immersion heater was turned on twice a week and a bath list, pinned to the notice board by Mrs Mark, made known the order of priority. Dora, who was only interested in baths as a luxury and not as a necessity had missed hers. Now in Noel's pink and white bathroom she was running the steamy water, pouring in the odoriferous bath salts, and seeking in the airing cupboard for a warm and downy towel. She was already in when Noel arrived with the cocktail.
'Now tell me all about it,' said Noel, sitting on the edge of the bath. 'Was it hell?'
'It's not too bad actually,' said Dora. 'I'm only up here for the day, you know. I felt I needed a change. All the people are nice. I haven't seen any nuns yet, except one that lives outside. But there's a horrible feeling of being watched and organized.'
'How's dear old Paul?'
'He's fine. Well, he's been beastly to me for two days, but I expect that's my fault.'
'There you go!' said Noel. 'Why should everything be your fault? Some things are perhaps, but not every damn thing. The trouble with Paul is he's jealous of your creative powers. As he can't create anything himself he's determined you shan't.'
'Don't be silly,' said Dora. 'I haven't any creative powers. And Paul's terribly creative. Could you hold my glass and pass me the soap?'
'Well, don't let's start on Paul,' said Noel. 'But about those religious folk. Don't let them give you a bad conscience. People like that adore having a sense of sin and living in an atmosphere of emotion and self-abasement. You must be a great catch. The penitent wife and so forth. But don't give in to them. Never forget, my darling, that what they believe just isn't true.'
'You're drinking my drink!' said Dora. 'No, I suppose it isn't true. But there's something decent about them all the same.'
'They may be nice,' said Noel, 'but they're thoroughly misguided. No good comes in the end of untrue beliefs. There is no God and there is no judgement, except the judgement that each one of us makes for himself; and what that is is a private matter. Sometimes of course one has to interfere with people to stop them doing things one dislikes. But for Christ's sake let their minds alone. I can't stand complacent swine who go around judging other people and making them feel cheap. If they want to wallow in a sense of unworthiness, let them; but when they interfere with their neighbours one ought positively to fight them!'
'You sound quite passionate!' said Dora. 'Pass me the towel.'
'Yes, I am a bit worked up,' said Noel. 'Don't get cold, sweetie. I'll make you another drink and put on my new long-player. It's just that I hate to think of those people making you feel a miserable sinner when in fact it's not all that much your fault at all. And the idea of old Paul playing the aggrieved and virtuous spouse makes me want to vomit. I wonder has that place got any news value. Potty communities are good for a feature. Shall I come and give it the once over?'
'Oh dear no!' said Dora, shocked. 'You certainly mustn't! They're getting a new bell soon, the Abbey, that is, a big bell to hang in the tower, and I think there'll be a statement to the press about that. But otherwise nothing happens at all and they'd be awfully upset if anyone came to write them up. They really are nice, Noel.'
'Well, if you say so,' said Noel. 'Listen to this, angel.'
As Dora slipped into her clothes she heard the steady expectant