The Best of Me - Nicholas Sparks [28]
Amanda took a sip of wine, the flavor lingering at the back of her throat. After they served themselves, Dawson hesitated, staring at his plate.
“Is it okay?” She frowned.
The sound of her voice brought him back to her. “I was just trying to remember the last time I had a meal like this.”
“Steak?” she asked, slicing into the meat and spearing a first bite.
“Everything.” He shrugged. “On the rig, I eat in the cafeteria with a bunch of guys, and at home it’s just me, and I usually end up doing something simple.”
“What about when you go out? There are lots of great places to eat in New Orleans.”
“I hardly ever get to the city.”
“Even on a date?” she quizzed between bites.
“I don’t really date,” he said.
“Ever?”
He began to cut his steak. “No.”
“Why not?”
He could feel her studying him as she took a sip, waiting. Dawson shifted in his seat.
“It’s better that way,” he answered.
Her fork paused in midair. “It’s not because of me, is it?”
He kept his voice steady. “I’m not sure what you want me to say,” he said.
“Surely you’re not suggesting…,” she began.
When Dawson said nothing, she tried again. “Are you seriously trying to tell me that you—that you haven’t dated anyone since we broke up?”
Again Dawson remained silent, and she put her fork down. She could hear a trace of belligerence creeping into her tone. “You’re saying that I’m the cause of this… this life you’ve chosen to lead?”
“Again, I’m not sure what you want me to say.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Then I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say, either.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that you’re making it sound like I’m the reason you’re alone. That it’s… that it’s somehow my fault. Do you know how that makes me feel?”
“I didn’t say it to hurt you. I just meant—”
“I know exactly what you meant,” Amanda snapped. “And you know what? I loved you back then as much as you loved me, but for whatever reason, it wasn’t meant to be and it ended. But I didn’t end. And you didn’t end, either.” She put her palms on the table. “Do you really think I want to leave here thinking that you’re going to spend the rest of your life alone? Because of me?”
He stared at her. “I never asked for your pity.”
“Then why would you say something like that?”
“I didn’t say much of anything,” he said. “I didn’t even answer the question. You read into it what you wanted to.”
“So I was wrong?”
Instead of answering, he reached for his knife. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that if you don’t want to know the answer to a question, don’t ask?”
Despite the fact that he’d deflected her question back at her—he’d always been able to do that—she couldn’t help herself. “Well, even so, it’s not my fault. If you want to ruin your life, go ahead. Who am I to stop you?”
Surprising her, Dawson laughed. “It’s good to know you haven’t changed a bit.”
“Trust me. I’ve changed.”
“Not much. You’re still willing to tell me exactly how you think, no matter what it is. Even if you’re of the opinion that I’m ruining my life.”
“You obviously need someone to tell you.”
“Then how about I try to ease your mind, okay? I haven’t changed, either. I’m alone now because I’ve always been alone. Before you knew me, I did everything I could to keep my crazy family at a distance. When I came here, Tuck sometimes went days without talking to me, and after you left, I went up to Caledonia Correctional. When I got out, no one in the town wanted me around, so I left. I eventually ended up working for months of the year on a rig out in the ocean, not exactly a place conducive to relationships—I see that firsthand. Yes, there are some couples who can survive that kind of regular separation, but there’s a fair share of broken hearts, too. It just seems easier this way, and besides, I’m used to it.”
She evaluated his answer. “Do you want to know whether I think you’re telling the entire truth?”
“Not really.”
Despite herself, she