The Black Dagger Brotherhood_ An Insider's Guide - J. R. Ward [21]
Bella had looked at Zsadist. “Can we call her Nalla?”
His eyes had watered. “Yes. Absolutely. Anything you want.”
He had kissed her and given her his vein and been everything you could want in an attentive, caring mate.
Coming back to the present she shook her head. “You seemed so happy. Right after the birth. You were rejoicing with the others. You were there for the ribboning of her crib . . . You went to Phury and you sang to him. . . .”
“Because you were alive and you didn’t have to suffer the loss of your young. My worst fears hadn’t come to pass.” Zsadist lifted one of his hands as if he wanted to rub his eyes, but he frowned, clearly realizing he couldn’t because of the bandages. “I was happy for you.”
“But after you fed me, you sat by the incubator and reached out to her. You even smiled as she looked your way. There was love in your face, not just relief. What changed?” As he hesitated, she said, “I’m willing to give you more time if that’s what it takes, but I can’t be shut out of the process. What happened?”
Z stared up at the cage of medical lighting hanging above him and there was a long silence, one so long that Bella thought maybe they’d hit an insurmountable wall.
But then a single fat tear had formed at the corner of his left eye. “She’s in the dream with me.”
The words were so soft, Bella had to make sure she’d heard him right. “I’m sorry?”
“The dream I have of still being with the Mistress. Nalla . . . she’s in the cell. I can hear her crying as the Mistress comes for me. I strain at the shackles to get free . . . so I can protect her . . . get her out . . . stop what’s going to happen. But I can’t move. The Mistress is going to find the young.” His haunted eyes shifted over. “The Mistress is going to find her, and it’s my fault Nalla’s in the cell.”
“Oh . . . my love . . . oh, Z.” Bella stood up and draped herself carefully over his upper body, hugging him lightly. “Oh . . . God . . . and you’re afraid the Mistress will kill her—”
“No.” Z cleared his throat once. And again. And again. His chest started to pump up and down. “She’s going to . . . make Nalla watch . . . what they do to me. Nalla has to watch. . . .”
Zsadist struggled to keep his emotions in, then lost the fight, weeping in the hard, powerful bursts of a male. “She’s going to have . . . to watch her . . . father get . . .”
All Bella could do was hold on tight and wet his hospital gown with her own tears. She’d known whatever it was was bad. But she’d had no idea how bad.
“Oh, my love,” she said, as his arms came around her and his head lifted so that his face was buried in her hair. “Oh, my darling love . . .”
SEVEN
It was about five the following afternoon when Zsadist finally woke up properly. It was good to be in his own bed. It was not so great having a cast on his lower leg.
Rolling over, he opened his eyes and looked at Bella. She was awake and staring back at him.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Okay.” Physically speaking, at least. The rest of him, his mind and his emotions, were open to question.
“Would you like something to eat?”
“Yeah. In a little bit.” What he really wanted was to just lie around and stare into his shellan’s eyes for a while.
Bella eased over onto her back and looked up to the ceiling.
“I’m glad we talked,” he said. As much as he hated the past, he’d do anything to keep her from leaving, and if that meant conversation, he’d blabber on until his voice box bit it.
“Me too.”
He frowned, feeling the distance. “What’s on your mind?”
After a moment she said softly, “Do you still want me?”
He actually had to shake himself. She couldn’t possibly be asking . . . “Good Lord, of course I want you as my shellan. The idea of you leaving is just—”
“Sexually, I mean.”
He blinked, thinking about the hardcore arousal he’d gotten the night before—just from watching her towel off. “How could I not?”
She turned her head to him. “You don’t feed and you haven’t reached