The Black Raven - Katharine Kerr [128]
“I couldn’t go on lying to you,” she said.
“And you have my thanks for that. But I’ve got to say that I’m disappointed in our prince. It’s more than a bit selfish of the man to forbid you to marry. You need a place of your own at court. Just in case things change, like.”
“What? He didn’t forbid me anything.”
“Then why can’t you marry me?”
Lilli could not have been more surprised if the day had turned to night around her.
“You mean you would?” she whispered. “Still marry me anyway?”
“A lord whose wife has the king’s favor is a lucky man.” Branoic considered her for a moment. “Lilli, I’m not saying this because I’m jealous, though I am that, or to be harsh and get a little of my own back. But truly, I’ve seen somewhat of the world, and a bit more of our prince, and how long do you think Maryn will dote upon you, anyway? Half the women at court will be setting their caps for him, and he’ll not see any reason to deny them.”
The tears did come, rough and painful, as if she wept hot sand. She covered her face with both hands and sobbed. Branoic put a brotherly arm around her shoulders.
“There, there, hush,” he said. “Forgive me, will you? But I think me I’ve only said aloud what you’ve been thinking.”
“Just that.” She managed to force the words out between sobs. “Just that.”
One sob too many, and she felt her chest tighten so hard she began to cough and weep at the same time. She fumbled in her kirtle for the cloth she’d tucked away there, but she just couldn’t seem to find it, and the frustration made her sob the more. Branoic fished into the folds of cloth, pulled the rag free, and handed it to her.
“Blow your nose,” he said.
She did, then wiped her face on the clean part of the cloth. She crumpled the soggy mess in her fist while she breathed, forcing herself to inhale long and calmly. When she looked up, she found Branoic smiling at her, but sadly.
“What does old Nevyn think of this?” he said.
“Oh, he was ever so angry. He’d told me not to give in to the prince.”
“I figured that. What will he think if we marry?”
“I don’t know. I’ve not said a word about it. I just assumed you wouldn’t want me anymore.”
“Well, you were wrong. Why not talk to the old man about it today, like? You’re his apprentice now, anyway, and it’s up to him to announce the betrothal.”
“So it is. Oh ye gods, I just thought of somewhat! If people have been gossiping, the princess must know.” Lilli held a hand out in front of her and found it trembling. “How am I going to face her? Branno, I feel so wretched. I’m not worthy of you, truly I’m not.”
“That’s a stupid thing to say. If I thought that, I’d have spurned you on the rumors alone. Your Maryn’s said he’ll make me a lord, but in my heart I’m still a silver dagger, and ye gods, I’ll not be giving myself airs.”
“But I’m not being fair to you!”
“Fair?” Branoic shrugged the comment away. “Fair is where you go to see the pigs race, my lady.”
She managed a smile.
“That’s better,” he said, grinning. “Now, if you’ll have me, I’ll figure out a way to get to Hendyr and ask your brother, all formal—like. Well, if Nevyn gives his approval, that is. I’ll risk Maryn’s jealousy, but cursed if I’ll cross Nevyn. I’ve never wanted to be turned into a frog or suchlike.”
“Oh don’t be silly! Dweomer can’t turn men into frogs.”
“Well, that’s a relief, but I’m not crossing him anyway.” He grinned at her. “But I think me he’ll be sensible about this.”
“So do I. He worried, he told me, about what would become of me if he should die or suchlike.”
“And he’s not getting any younger. So you tell him what we’ve decided.”
“I will, but I want to sit here with you for a bit.”
Branoic smiled, and all at once she wondered what it would be like to sleep with him. She knew, now, what love meant. As if he’d caught the drift of her thoughts, he took her hand in both of his, drew her close, and kissed her on the mouth. Pleasant, warm—a congenial sort of kiss, she felt, but next to the passion