The Black Raven - Katharine Kerr [137]
“Not in particular. Why? Is Branoic waiting for you?”
“He is.”
“Then by all means go keep your tryst.”
“My thanks.” Lilli blushed, then got up, turning quickly as if to hide it. “Will I see you at nightfall?”
“Not tonight. I’m having dinner with the prince and Gwerbret Ammerwdd.” Nevyn paused, sighing. “I suppose I’d best put on a clean shirt, come to think of it. That fancy one with all the blazons. Irritating, but there we are. The prince needs must act like a king these days, and so I’ll play the part of a courtier.”
Late that evening Elyssa came to Lilli’s chamber, but instead of asking her how she felt and leaving again, she sat herself down without being invited in one of the chairs. A fire was burning in the hearth, and Lilli had closed the shutters over the windows, so that the room glowed warm with comfortable firelight.
“It’s good to see you.” Lilli sat down in the other chair.
“Well, we’ve missed you,” Elyssa said, smiling. “Lilli, is it truly your illness that’s kept you out of the women’s hall?”
Lilli felt her face burn with a blush worse than any fever.
“The princess herself asked me to speak to you,” Elyssa went on. “She thinks that you must fear her, and that distresses her. She bears you no ill will.”
“Truly?”
“Truly. It’s not like you’re the first lass her husband’s fancied.”
“So Nevyn says, too.”
“That must be a hurtful thing to think on.” Elyssa was watching her in concern.
“Well, it is,” Lilli said. “Everyone tells me that, and they think I’m supposed to feel the better for it, but I don’t. I feel like a prize mare, either bred or locked in the stables at her master’s whim.”
“That’s not far wrong, is it?”
“True spoken. And I keep wondering when he’ll find some other horse to ride.”
“He might not, you know. Who knows why men do what they do? Mayhap he’s finally found the one lass he’s been looking for all these years. If so, won’t that ease the princess’s heart rather than vex it?”
Lilli considered this with a feeling much like shock.
“You know,” Lilli said at last. “That’s true spoken, but I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
“There’s a great deal to think about, isn’t there? It will take time for you to sort through it all.”
“Just so. And then there’s Branoic.”
“The prince will never forbid you that marriage. I hope you realize that.”
“Oh, I do. He has his own sort of honor, Maryn.”
For a moment they sat in silence.
“Tell me to hold my tongue if I’m prying,” Elyssa said at last. “But do you think you might be with child?”
“Not yet, but truly, it might happen.”
“It will happen, sooner or later.”
“Oh I suppose, but I don’t want to think about that.”
“Lilli, Lilli, how old are you? Do you have any clear idea?”
“Well, I was twelve when I came here out of fosterage, and that was over two years ago now. I was born in midsummer, my mother told me once.”
“So let’s think: you’ve seen maybe fifteen years? I’ve seen a fair few more, and I know it would be for the best if you started thinking about this possible child now. Will it be Maryn’s, or could it be your silver dagger’s?”
“Either, I suppose.” Lilli shrugged, feeling increasingly miserable. “I’d never ask the prince to claim it.”
“It’s you I’m worried about. What will Branoic say if he thinks the child’s not his?”
“You don’t understand. Branoic is as devoted to the prince as I am. Why else would he want to marry me, knowing what he knows?”
“He knows?” Elyssa stared for a long moment. “Well, then!” She rose, smiling. “I think me you’ve made a good choice for your husband. Now, please remember to come to us tomorrow, in the late morning, say, or early afternoon. You can help tease Decci about Oggyn.”
Only later, long after Elyssa had gone, did it occur to Lilli to wonder how she’d known that Branoic had been sleeping in her chamber now and again. She felt suddenly sick, wondering if Maryn knew it as well.
On the morrow, Lilli woke up convinced that she’d continue to avoid the other women as she’d been doing, but as the morning dragged on, her fat conviction faded into a thin fear.