The Black Raven - Katharine Kerr [149]
“Ah ye gods.” Bellyra handed the rag back. “I suppose I’d best tell Maryn about the child straightaway. I’m such a rotten poor liar.”
Elyssa handed her a goblet of watered mead. Bellyra waved it away.
“I can’t bear to be muddled now,” Bellyra said. “I still don’t know what came over me.”
“Righteous indignation, that’s what,” Degwa said. “She’s still a Boarswoman, no matter what our Nevyn says. And we all know what that means!”
After Degwa left, Lilli sat for a long while on the edge of the bed and shivered in the winter cold of her chamber. Although a fire lay ready in the hearth, she had nothing to light it with. Normally she would have brought a candle or suchlike with her from the women’s hall. She could fetch a splint from the great hall, she supposed, or find a servant there to do it for her, but she could not force herself to move. If she went to the great hall, she was sure that everyone would be able to read her shame from her face. They would know that she’d lost the princess’s favor—doubtless forever—merely by looking at her.
When she could stand the cold no longer, she went to bed, fully dressed against the icy sheets. As her shivering eased, she fell asleep, but she dreamt of her mother, scolding her to eat more. You’re too thin, Merodda kept saying, thin as sticks, thin as sticks, and how will I find you a good husband now?
Lilli woke to grey dawnlight and her misery. The bed had finally got warm, and she curled up in her blankets, watching the gleam of light from the shutters brighten on the walls. She was remembering how generous Bellyra had been to her, an exile without so much as a horse for a dowry. She took you in, and you turned into a viper, Lilli told herself. Degwa’s right, I’m as bad as my wretched kin!
Lilli sat up, testing the air—so cold that her bruised back cramped in pain. She lay down again and pulled the blankets up as if she could stop her ears against the voice in her mind, reproaching her for an ingrate and a fool both, to turn the dun’s women against her. What would Bevva think, if word of this ever reached her in the Otherlands? Finally she managed to drift off to sleep.
When she woke, the sun had fully risen, and Maryn was just shutting the door after letting himself into her chamber. He was wearing a cloak over a pair of much-mended brigga and a shirt that hung sloppily over them; he was unshaved, uncombed, and more beautiful than she had ever seen him, or so it seemed to her.
“Good morrow,” he said. “Will you forgive me my long absence, my lady?”
Lilli shoved the blankets back and stood up, gathering words. You must do this, she told herself. You can do this!
“I see naught to forgive, Your Highness. Men’s affections change.” She took a deep breath. “So do women’s.”
He stood blinking at her.
“I have my betrothed, Your Highness,” Lilli said. “You have your wife.”
Maryn laughed. He pulled off the cloak and tossed it onto the floor.
“Beautifully put, my lady,” he said, grinning. “But utter nonsense. Please, please, won’t you take my apology? Truly, I know I’ve treated you badly, and I deserve your haughtiness.”
“I’m not being haughty! I don’t love you anymore.”
“Of course not.” Maryn leaned over and caught her by the shoulders. “I grovel at your feet, my lady, or I would if the floor weren’t so blasted cold.”
When he kissed her, all her resolve disappeared. She slid her arms around his neck and kissed him open-mouthed in return. He laughed, picked her up, and laid her down on the bed in one strong swing of his arms.
Elyssa opened the door of the women’s hall and let in Degwa, who was burdened with baskets of bread and cheese and a flagon of watered ale. Bellyra supposed that she had better eat something, but the very idea of food choked her.
“I met your husband upon the staircase, my lady,” Degwa said. “He seemed troubled.”
“I told him about the child, that’s why,” Bellyra said, “when we first woke. You know, I have my reasons for being devoted to him. He apologized. He looked at me ever so sadly and said that he was sorry he’d done such a thing to me.”
Her serving