The Black Raven - Katharine Kerr [78]
“You couldn’t.” Abrwnna hesitated for a long moment. “But I still don’t understand what happened. The servants told me that Merodda murdered Bevyan. I thought she’d been killed by Cerrmor raiders. I don’t understand.”
“Hasn’t Anasyn told you?”
“Not a word.” Abrwnna’s voice was shaking badly. “I’ll tell you somewhat. In the great hall that day, when your brother asked the prince for me, I truly thought he only wanted vengeance. I feared he was going to beat me to death, once I was his wife and no one could say him nay.”
“Sanno would never!”
“I know that now.” Abrwnna was whispering again. “But at first I was afraid to say two words to him. He did tell me Bevva’s death was none of my doing. When I asked why, he swore at me and said never mention it again.”
“Well, those Cerrmor raiders? They weren’t real. After you sent Bevyan away, Uncle Burcan followed her with some of his men and killed her and everyone with her. They left some Cerrmor shields behind as a ruse. But my mother was the one who wanted Bevva dead. She put him up to it.”
Abrwnna dropped her face into her hands and sobbed. Lilli sat stone-still, barely able to think, watching her weep, rocking back and forth like a troubled child.
“Here, here,” Lilli said at last. “What’s so wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” Abrwnna let her hands drop. “I sent her away, just as you said. It’s my fault she was out on the roads. Oh ye gods, you must hate me!” She paused, wiping her face on the sleeve of her dress. “And your mother was the one—ah, Goddess! I thought she was my friend.”
Lilli stood and walked over to lay a hand on Abrwnna’s trembling shoulder.
“I don’t hate you. I’ve no doubt at all that my mother worked on you to send Bevva away. I’ll wager you didn’t even know she was using you, either.”
“We did talk, truly, just before.” Abrwnna stared up at her and shook. “She told me, well, things. She told me Bevva was telling people I was a slut or suchlike.”
“Never! Bevva never would have done that. You see? It’s not your fault. If you’d not sent her away, then my mother only would have poisoned her or found some other way to do her murdering.”
“Do you think so?”
“I truly do.”
“You don’t hate me?”
“Did you think I would?”
Abrwnna nodded, then leaned her head back against the chair.
“Do you hate me for aiding the prince?” Lilli went on.
“I don’t. You know what the worst thing is? I keep dreaming about the taking of the dun, that last awful day. Or sometimes I dream about poor little Olaen, and the way he died, poisoned like that. And in the dreams I can’t stop screaming. I see all the horrible things all over again and just keep screaming and screaming.” Abrwnna paused to run shaking hands through her hair. “But then I wake up. And there’s Anasyn next to me, and I know I’m safe. And I can’t help thinking, I’m glad Prince Maryn won. I’m glad I’m Anasyn’s lady and not queen anymore. And I feel so horrible because I’m glad.”
Abrwnna began to weep again, a thin trickle of silent tears. Lilli took a napkin from the table and handed it to her, then sat down again.
“If you’re a traitor, Lilli, then so am I.” Abrwnna began to wipe her face. “A thousand times a day.”
“Oh here! The gods are the ones who ordained Maryn the true king, aren’t they? It’s his Wyrd, and there’s naught that you or I can do about it. It must be your Wyrd, too, that you’re the lady of Hendyr now.”
Abrwnna merely shrugged, then wiped her face. The linen napkin shook in her hands.
“Would you like me to pour you a little mead?” Lilli said.
“None, but my thanks.” Abrwnna let the napkin fall onto her lap. “Your mother! Ah gods, it was all true, then, the gossip. She truly was some sort of witch.”
“She was.” Lilli felt as if the words had stuck in her throat and were choking her. “I suppose there was a lot of gossip that I never heard.”
“How could anyone tell you? It was evil evil stuff, and I refused to believe any of it, truly I did, but you know what? Now I suppose I should have.”
“About her poisons, you mean?”
“Just that. And spells