The Blind Assassin - Margaret Atwood [237]
“You don’t want to believe it,” I said, “because you were besotted with her. You can’t face the possibility that all the time you were having your squalid little fling with her, she must have been in and out of bed with another man – one she loved, unlike you. Or I assume that’s what the book means – doesn’t it?”
“It was that pinko, wasn’t it? That fucking bastard – at the picnic!” Richard must have been very upset: as a rule, he seldom swore.
“How would I know?” I said. “I didn’t spy on her. But I agree with you, it would have started at the picnic.” I didn’t tell him there had been two picnics involving Alex: one with Laura, and a second one, a year later, without her, after I’d run into Alex that day on Queen Street. The one with the hard-boiled eggs.
“She was doing it out of spite,” said Richard. “She was just getting back at me.”
“That wouldn’t surprise me,” I said. “She must have hated you. Why wouldn’t she? You as good as raped her.”
“That’s untrue! I did nothing without her consent!”
“Consent? Is that what you’d call it? I’d call it blackmail.”
He hung up on me. It was a family trait. When she’d called earlier to rail at me, Winifred had done that too.
Then Richard went missing, and then he was found in the Water Nixie – well, you know all that. He must have crept into the town, crept onto the grounds of Avilion, crept onto the boat, which was in the boathouse, by the way, not tied up at the jetty as it erroneously said in the papers. That was a cover-up: a corpse in a boat on the water is normal enough, but one in a boathouse is peculiar. Winifred wouldn’t have wanted it thought that Richard had gone round the bend.
What really happened then? I’m not sure. Once he was located, Winifred took charge of events, and put the best face on things. A stroke was her story. He was found with the book at his elbow, however. That much I know, because Winifred phoned in a state of hysteria and told me so. “How could you have done this to him?” she said. “You destroyed his political career, and then you destroyed his memories of Laura. He loved her! He adored her! He couldn’t bear it when she died!”
“I’m glad to hear he felt some remorse,” I said coldly. “I can’t say I noticed any at the time.”
Winifred blamed me, of course. After that, it was open war. She did the worst thing to me that she could think of. She took Aimee.
I suppose you were taught the gospel according to Winifred. In her version, I would have been a lush, a tramp, a slut,a bad mother. As time went by I no doubt became, in her mouth, a slovenly harridan, a crazy old bat, a peddler of ratty old junk. I doubt she ever said to you that I murdered Richard, however. If she’d told you that, she would also have had to say where she got the idea.
Junk would have been a slur. It’s true I bought cheap and sold dear – who doesn’t, in the antiques racket? – but I had a good eye and I never twisted anyone’s arm. There was a period of excessive drinking – I admit it – though not until after Aimee was gone. As for the men, there were some of those as well. It was never a question of love, it was more like a sort of periodic bandaging. I was cut off from everything around me, unable to reach, to touch; at the same time I felt scraped raw. I needed the comfort of another body.
I avoided any man from my own former social circles, though some of these appeared, like fruit flies, as soon as they got wind of my solitary and possibly rotten state. Men like that could have been egged on by Winifred, and no doubt were. I stuck to strangers, picked up on my forays to nearby towns and cities in search of what they now call collectibles. I never gave my real name. But Winifred was too persistent for me, in the end. All she’d needed was one man, and that’s what she’d got. The pictures of the motel room door, going in, coming out; the fake signatures in the register; the testimony of the owner, who’d welcomed the cash. You could fight it in court, said my lawyer, but I’d advise against it. We’ll try