The Bro Code - Barney Stinson [18]
Removal from holiday card mailing list
Revocation of airport pickup/drop-off privileges
Must help offended Bro move heavy furniture
Temporary removal from usual golf foursome
Must return stuff loaned from offended Bro…even stuff he thinks his Bro forgot about
No longer allowed to borrow the truck
Offended Bro no longer required to bring beer over
GLOSSARY
Backslide Window—A treacherous window of time following a breakup in which both parties are prone to bone.
Brocassion—An event featuring a bunch of Bros.
Brocedure—A series of events completed by a Bro, but different from the Brolympics.
Bro/Chick Ratio—The gender breakdown at a given venue.
Brocularity—Bro-inspired hijinks.
Broda—(1) A Bro one goes to for wisdom. (2) A really short Bro.
Brode of Silence—Playing dumb or mute when a chick asks about another Bro’s history or whereabouts.
Brofession—A Bro job.
Broflation—(1) A sudden increase in female expectations about how dudes should act. (2) A sudden increase in dudes at an event or venue.
Broicide—(1) To kill a Bro. (2) To rack jack a Bro.
Brojo—A Bro’s mojo.
Broliferation—Too much use of the word “Bro.”
Bronacular—The language of Bros.
Brone—An act of selflessness bestowed upon or by a Bro.
Broner—Excitement over hanging out with Bros e.g., Ricky popped a broner when his friend rented out the local laser tag arena for his birthday.
Bro-proofing—Outfitting a space for Bros.
Broshambo—Two dudes playing rock, paper, scissors.
Brotection—When a Bro supplies another Bro with birth control.
Brotorcycle—One of those motorcycles with the sidecar thing.
Bro Train—A convoy of Bros on the move, usually driving to a party
Browling—More than one Bro bowling.
Bro-worker—A Bro at the workplace.
Devil’s Threeway—Two dudes, one chick.
Dis-Broment—Removal of “Bro” status.
Dry Spell—A period of any length in which a Bro has not scored.
Jump on the Grenade—The process in which a Bro “takes one for the team” by talking to a hot chick’s unattractive friend.
MAC—Memory Assistance and/or Correction.
Quid Pro Bro—Returning a favor by doing a solid for a Bro…not that kind of solid.
Rack Jack—To steal a wingman’s quarry, often with malicious, premeditated intent.
Tricycle—Two chicks, one dude.
Wingwoman—A female wingman who is also a chick.
SHALLOWEEN ANSWER
*Never.
†Nope.
‡Dude. Come on.
*Of course not
* Psst—hey, guys! I put this in really small type at the bottom since we all know men have much better vision than women. Ignore the above—the Bro Code is definitely not a piece of fiction. I was simply lying to uphold this very article.
* Bigger = better
* Applies only to the first time he retires.
* Trick question. Bros don’t watch ballet.
* Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.
* Unless a bicycle is the only form of transportation available, like in Southeast Asia or Arkansas or something.
* To steal your wingman’s chick. Big-time no-no.
* Open bar only.
* Engaging in a threesome.
* And beyond, if the Bro discovers there is indeed life after death.
* Not on the bed.