The Butterfly - James M. Cain [28]
"Yes, I do."
"Then couldn't I make up some names?"
Our mouths came together hot this time, and I thought my heart would pump out of my chest from knowing I wouldn't have to give her up any more and at last she was mine.
Chapter 12
We stayed for two days in a little Gilroy hotel, and all that time I kept wondering what we were going to say when we got home. She must have been doing some thinking too, because on the way back she said:
"Jess, we're keeping this quiet."
"You mean that we're married?"
"All right, we got drunk and meant it for a joke and didn't know what we were doing anyway. At least, we can tell that to a judge if we ever have to, and maybe he'll believe us. But I don't know any way to tell it to Jane, and I love her."
"We going to see each other?"
"I'll have to think about that."
"I can't do without you."
"We'll see."
When we got home I acted like I'd been away looking for her all that time, and Jane was so glad to see her she didn't even think whether it sounded fishy or not. She kissed me, and was glad to see me all right, but all she thought about was Kady, and how good Kady was going to feel at the nice way she'd kept Danny, and she took Danny in her arms, and talked to him, and listened to him now he practiced up some more words he had learned, or thought he had learned, though what they were was more than I could figure out myself. But that night, after I'd finished up all the work Jane had been doing the two days I'd left everything to her, and had gone to bed in my bunk down in the stable, the door opened and there was Kady, in her nightgown.
"Jess?"
"Come in, Kady."
"I made out I couldn't sleep."
I flipped back the blanket for her to come in with me, but she shook her head and sat on the edge of the bunk looking out the window over my head. After a while she said:
"Jess, what am I going to do about Danny?"
"You could eat him. He's sweet enough."
"I don't want to be around him."
"You ought to make up your mind."
"It's not like it was before. I hated him then. Now I see how cute he is, and understand why you're so crazy about him, and Jane is, and why I was, for a little while. But I can't help it. I've got something in me. Every time I look at him I see Wash, and I can't forget what Wash did to me. I don't want to be around him."
"He's not Wash."
"I know it. I'm so ashamed."
"He's just a sweet, friendly little boy that's laughing at you all the time and sticking out his hand to touch your face and showing you how good he can kick and you ought to be thankful all day long that you've got him."
"I ought to, but I'm not."
What she did about him was try to swallow down how she felt, and play with him, and help Jane take care of him, and drink. She told Jane it was Coca-Cola, but all the time she was spiking it with the stuff we had made, that was hidden all over the place, and when she had a load of it she'd get a look in her eye, and I would almost explode from wanting her. Every night she'd slip down to me, and bring me some stuff, and we'd drink it together, and there was no end to how much we wanted each other. But Jane would get worried, and go out looking for her, and once she almost caught us, and that meant we had to do something. "Jess, we've got to have a hide-out."
"Yeah, but where?"
"Have you forgotten our mine?"
Now the mine, after what I'd done with Moke, was about the last place on earth I wanted to be. "I thought we were done with all that stuff."
"What stuff? We don't have to run the still."
"It'll be there just the same."
"It doesn't have to be. I can take it down and put it away if that's all that's bothering you. But it's secret. It's like we used to say. Anything in the world could be happening up there and nobody would ever know."
"You used to say it."
"And you used to think it."
She would borrow the truck after that and pretend she was