The Choice - Nicholas Sparks [99]
Her expression was almost sad. “But after a while, you’d visit less.”
“I’d visit you all the time.”
“And in time, you’d resent me.”
“I’d never resent you.”
“Kenneth resents Eleanor.”
“I’m not Kenneth.” He shook his head. “Why are we even talking about this?”
“Because I love you.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but she raised her hand. “Let me finish, okay?” She paused, collecting her thoughts. “When Eleanor first went into the hospital, it was obvious how much Kenneth loved her. That’s what I noticed whenever we spoke, and over time, I think he told me their entire story—how they’d met at the beach the summer after graduation; that when he first asked her out, she’d said no, but he somehow finagled her number anyway; that he first told her he loved her on her parents’ thirtieth anniversary. But he didn’t just tell the stories—it was like he was reliving them over and over. In a way, he reminded me of you.”
Gabby reached for his hand. “You do the same thing, you know. Do you know how many times I’ve heard you tell someone about the first time we met? Don’t get me wrong—I love that about you. I love the fact that you keep those memories alive in your heart and that they mean as much to you as they do to me. And the thing is . . . when you do, I can feel you fall in love with me again. In some ways, it’s the most touching thing you do for me.” She paused. “Well, that and cleaning the kitchen when I’m too tired to do it.”
Despite himself, he laughed. Gabby didn’t seem to notice.
“Today, though, Kenneth was just so . . . bitter, and when I asked about Eleanor, I got the sense that he wished she were dead. And when I compare that to the way he used to feel about his wife, and what’s happened to his kids . . . it’s terrible.”
When her voice died away, Travis squeezed her hand. “That’s not going to happen to us. . . .”
“That’s not the point. The point is, I can’t live knowing that I didn’t do what I should have done.”
“What are you talking about?”
She ran her thumb over his hand. “I love you so much, Travis. You’re the best husband, the best person, that I’ve ever known. And I want you to make me a promise.”
“Anything,” he said.
She looked directly at him. “I want you to promise that if anything ever does happen to me, you’ll let me die.”
“We already have living wills,” he countered. “We did those when we did our regular wills and power of attorney.”
“I know,” she said. “But our lawyer retired to Florida, and as far as I know, no one but the three of us knows that I don’t want my life prolonged in the event I can’t make my own decisions. It wouldn’t be fair to you or the kids to put your lives on hold, because in time, resentment would be inevitable. You would suffer and the kids would suffer. Seeing Kenneth today convinced me of that, but I don’t want you to ever be bitter about anything we shared. I love all of you too much for that. Death is always sad, but it’s also inevitable, and that’s why I signed the living will in the first place. Because I love all of you so much.” Her tone became softer and yet more determined. “And the thing is . . . I don’t want to feel like I have to tell my parents or my sisters about the decision I made. The decision we made. I don’t want to have to find another attorney and redraft the documents. I want to be able to trust that you’ll do what I want. And that’s why I want you to promise me that you’ll honor my wishes.”
The conversation struck him as surreal. “Yeah . . . sure,” he said.
“No, not like that. I want you to promise me. I want you to make a vow.”
Travis swallowed. “I promise to do exactly what you want. I swear it.”
“No matter how hard it is?”
“No matter how hard.”
“Because you love me.”
“Because I love you.”
“Yes,” she said. “And because I love you, too.”
The living will Gabby had signed in the attorney’s office was the document Travis had brought with him to the hospital. Among other things, it specified that her feeding tubes were to be removed after twelve weeks. Today was the day he had to make his choice.