The clan of the cave bear_ a novel - Jean M. Auel [190]
“Don’t go, Ayla,” the girl ran up gesturing frantically. “Mother, you can’t let Ayla leave. Don’t go away again.”
“I don’t want to go, Uba, but I can’t let my baby die,” Ayla said.
“Can’t you put him high up in a tree like the mother in Aba’s story? If he lives for seven days, Brun will have to let you keep him,” Uba begged.
“Aba’s story is a legend, Uba,” Iza explained. “No baby can live outside in the cold with no food.” Ayla wasn’t paying attention to Iza’s explanation; Uba’s childish suggestion had given her an idea.
“Mother, part of that legend is true.”
“What do you mean?”
“If my baby is still alive after seven days, Brun has to accept him, doesn’t he?” Ayla asked earnestly.
“What are you thinking, Ayla? You can’t leave him outside hoping he’ll still be alive after seven days. You know it’s impossible.”
“Not leave him, take him. I know a place where I can hide, Iza. I can go there and take him with me and then come back on his naming day. Brun will have to let me keep him then. There’s a small cave …”
“No! Ayla, don’t tell me such things. That would be wrong. It would be disobedient. I can’t approve; it’s not the way of the Clan. Brun would be very angry. He’d search for you, he’d find you and bring you back. It’s not right, Ayla,” Iza admonished. She got up and walked toward the fire but turned back after a few steps. “And if you left, he’d ask me where you were.”
Never in her life had Iza done anything contrary to Clan customs or Brun’s wishes. The very idea was appalling. Even the secret contraceptive medicine had the sanction of past generations of medicine women, it was part of her heritage. Keeping the secret was not disobedient—there was no tradition or custom prohibiting its use—she just refrained from mentioning it. Ayla’s plan was nothing short of rebellion, a rebellion Iza would never have dreamed of; she couldn’t approve.
But she knew how much Ayla wanted the baby; her heart ached thinking how she had suffered through the long, difficult pregnancy and how only the fear of the baby’s death had given her the strength that saved her own life. Ayla’s right, Iza thought, looking at the newborn. He’s deformed, but he’s strong and healthy otherwise. Creb was deformed—now he’s Mog-ur. This is her firstborn son, too. If she had a mate, he might allow the baby to live. No, he wouldn’t, she thought again. She couldn’t lie to herself any more than she could lie to anyone else. But she could refrain from speaking.
She thought about telling Creb or Brun, and she knew she should, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Iza could not approve of Ayla’s plan, but she could keep it to herself. It was the most willfully wrong thing she had ever done in her life.
She put some hot stones in a bowl of water to make an infusion of ergot for Ayla. The young woman was sleeping with the baby in her arms when Iza brought her the medicine. She shook her gently.
“Drink this, Ayla,” she said. “I wrapped the afterbirth and put it in that corner. You can rest tonight, but it should be buried tomorrow. Brun already knows, Ebra told him. He’d rather not have to examine the baby and make it an official order. He will expect you to take care of it when you hide the evidence of birth.” Iza was telling her daughter how long she had to make her plans.
Ayla lay awake after Iza left, thinking about what to take with her. I’ll need my sleeping fur, rabbit skins for the baby, and bird down, and a couple of extra blankets for changes, too. Straps for myself, my sling, and knives. Oh, and food, I’d better bring some food, and a waterbag. If I wait until the sun is high before I go, I can get everything ready in the morning.
The next morning, Iza cooked well in excess of the amount of food needed to feed four people for a morning meal. Creb had