The clan of the cave bear_ a novel - Jean M. Auel [264]
It’s strange that Ura was allowed to live, almost as if she was meant to be Durc’s mate. Men of the Others, Oda said. Who are they? Iza said I was born to them; why don’t I remember? What happened to my real mother? To her mate? Did I have any siblings? Ayla felt a faint queasiness in the pit of her stomach—not nausea, exactly, just a sense of unease. Then suddenly her scalp crawled when she remembered something Iza had told her the night she died. Ayla had pushed it out of her mind; it was too painful to think about Iza’s death.
Iza told me to leave! She said I wasn’t Clan, she said I was born to the Others. She told me to find my own people, find my own mate. She said Broud would find a way to hurt me if I stayed. North, she said they live north, beyond the peninsula on the mainland.
How can I leave? This is my home. I can’t leave Creb, and Durc needs me. What if I couldn’t find any Others? And if I did, they might not want me anyway. No one wants an ugly woman. How do I know I’d find a mate even if I did find some Others?
Creb is getting old, though. What’s going to happen to me when he’s gone? Who will provide for me then? I can’t just live with Durc, some man will have to take me. But who? Broud! He’s going to be leader; if no one else wants me, he’ll have to. What if I have to live with Broud? He wouldn’t want me either, but he knows I’d hate it. He’d do it just because I’d hate it. I couldn’t stand living with Broud, I’d rather live with some man I don’t know from another clan, but they don’t want me either.
Maybe I should leave. I could take Durc and we could both go. But what if I didn’t find any Others? And what if something happened to me? Who would take care of him? He’d be all alone, just like I was. I was lucky that Iza found me; Durc might not be so lucky. I can’t take him away, he was born here, he is Clan, even if he is part me, too. He has a mate arranged for him. What would Ura do if I took Durc away? Oda is training her to be Durc’s mate. She’s telling her there is a man for her even if she is deformed and ugly. Durc will need Ura, too. He will need a mate when he grows up, and Ura is just right for him.
But I couldn’t leave without Durc. I’d rather live with Broud than leave Durc. I have to stay, there’s no other way. I’ll stay and live with Broud, if I have to. Ayla looked at her sleeping child and tried to compose her mind, tried to be a good Clan woman and accept her fate. A fly landed on Durc’s nose. He twitched, rubbed his nose in his sleep, then settled down again.
I wouldn’t know where to go anyway. North? What does that tell me? Everything is north of here, only the sea is south. I could wander around for the rest of my life and not find anyone. And they can be as bad as Broud. Oda said those men forced her, didn’t even let her put her baby down. It would be better to stay here with a Broud I know, than some man who might be worse.
It’s late, I’d better get back. Ayla woke her son, and as she walked back to the cave, tried to push thoughts of Others out of her mind, but stray wisps of wondering kept insinuating themselves. Once recalled, she couldn’t quite forget the Others.
“Are you busy, Ayla?” Uba asked. She had an expression that was both shy and pleased, and Ayla guessed why. She decided to let Uba tell her anyway.
“No, I’m not really busy. I’ve just been mixing some mint and alfalfa and wanted to taste it. Why don’t I put some water on for tea.”
“Where’s Durc?” Uba asked while Ayla stirred up the fire and added more wood and a few cooking stones.
“He’s outside with Grev. Oga’s watching them. Those two, they’re always together,” Ayla motioned.
“That’s probably because they nursed together. They’re closer than brothers. They’re almost like two born together.”
“But two born together often look alike, and they certainly don’t. Do you remember that woman at the Clan Gathering with two born together? I couldn’t tell them apart.”
“Sometimes it’s unlucky to have two born together, and three born together are