The clan of the cave bear_ a novel - Jean M. Auel [269]
She woke up screaming!
“Ayla! Ayla!” Creb called, shaking her to bring her fully awake. “What’s wrong, child?” he motioned, his eye full of concern.
“Oh, Creb,” she sobbed, and threw her arms around his neck. “I had that dream. I haven’t had that dream for years.” Creb put his arm around her and felt her trembling.
“What’s wrong with Mama?” Durc motioned, sitting up wide-eyed with fear. He had never heard his mother scream before. Ayla put her arm around him.
“What dream, Ayla? The one about the cave lion?” Creb asked.
“No, the other one, the one I can never exactly remember.” She started shaking again. “Creb, why should I have that dream now? I thought I was all over having bad dreams.”
Creb put his arm around her to comfort her again. Ayla hugged him back. They both suddenly realized how long it had been, and held each other with Durc between them.
“Oh, Creb, I can’t tell you how often I’ve wanted to hug you. I thought you didn’t want me; I was afraid you’d push me away like you did when I was an insolent little girl. There’s something else I’ve wanted to tell you. I love you, Creb.”
“Ayla, I had to make myself push you away even then; but I had to do something, or Brun would have. I never could be angry with you, I loved you too much. I still love you too much. I thought you were upset because you lost your milk and it was my fault.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Creb. It was mine. I never blamed you.”
“I blamed myself. I should have realized a baby has to keep nursing or the milk will stop, but you seemed to want to be alone with your grief.”
“How could you know? None of the men know much about babies. They like to hold them and play with them when they’re full and happy, but let them start fussing and all the men are quick to give them back to their mothers. Besides, it didn’t hurt him. He’s just starting his weaning year, and he’s big and healthy even though he’s been weaned for a long time.”
“But it hurt you, Ayla.”
“Mama, you hurt?” Durc interrupted, still worried about her scream.
“No, Durc, Mama’s not hurt, not anymore.”
“Where did he learn to call you that word, Ayla?”
She flushed slightly. “Durc and I play a game of making sounds sometimes. He just decided to call me by that one.”
Creb nodded. “He calls all the women mother; I guess he needed to find something to call you. It probably means mother to him.”
“It does to me, too.”
“You made a lot of sounds and words when you first came. I think your people must talk with sounds.”
“My people are Clan people. I am a woman of the Clan.”
“No, Ayla,” Creb gestured slowly. “You are not Clan, you are a woman of the Others.”
“That’s what Iza told me the night she died. She said I wasn’t Clan; she said I was a woman of the Others.”
Creb looked surprised. “I didn’t think she knew. Iza was a wise woman, Ayla. I only found out that night you followed us into the cave.”
“I didn’t mean to go into that cave, Creb. I don’t even know how I got there. I don’t know what hurt you so much, but I thought you stopped loving me because I went into that cave.”
“No, Ayla, I didn’t stop loving you, I loved you too much.”
“Durc hungry,” the child interrupted. He was still disturbed by his mother’s scream, and the intense conversation between her and Creb bothered him.
“You’re hungry? I’ll see if I can find something for you.”
Creb watched her as she got up and went to the fireplace. I wonder why she was brought to live with us, Creb thought. She was born to the Others, and the Cave Lion has always protected her; why would he bring her here? Why not back to them? And why would he let himself be defeated, let her have a baby, then allow her to lose her milk? Everyone thinks it’s because he’s unlucky, but look at him. He’s healthy, he’s happy, everyone loves him. Maybe Dorv was right, maybe the spirit of every man’s totem mixed with her Cave Lion. She was right about that, he’s not deformed, he’s a mixture. He can even make sounds like she can. He’s part Ayla and part Clan.
Suddenly, Creb felt the blood