The clan of the cave bear_ a novel - Jean M. Auel [278]
Brun slowly turned his back on the pleading woman, turning his gaze away as though he was shifting position, not as if he was trying to avoid looking at her. But she saw the barest glimmer of recognition in his eyes, a hint of a nod. It was enough. He would protect Durc, he had promised the spirit of the boy’s mother. It was true it was too fast, she hadn’t had time to ask him before. He would bend his decision not to interfere with Broud that much. He would not let the son of his mate harm Ayla’s son.
Ayla got up and walked purposefully toward the cave. She hadn’t decided to leave until she told Brun she would, but once she did, it made up her mind. Her grief over Creb’s death was pushed into a corner of her mind, to be brought out later when her survival was not at stake. She would go, perhaps to the world of the spirits, perhaps not, but she would not go unprepared.
She hadn’t been as aware of the destruction inside the cave the first time she went in. She stared at the unfamiliar place, grateful that the clan had been outside. Taking a deep breath, she hurried to Creb’s hearth, ignoring the treacherous condition of the cave. If she didn’t get what she needed to survive, she’d be dead for sure.
She moved a rock from her bed, shook out her fur wrap, and began to pile things on it. Her medicine bag, her sling, two pairs of foot coverings, leggings, hand coverings, a fur-lined wrap, a hood. Her cup and bowl, waterbags, tools. She went to the back of the cave and found the supply of concentrated, high-energy traveling cakes of dried meat, fruit, and fat. She searched through the rubble and found birchbark packets of maple sugar, nuts, dried fruit, ground parched grain, strips of dried meat and fish, and a few vegetables. It was not too great a variety so late in the season, but adequate. She dumped dust and rocks out of her collecting basket and began to pack it.
She picked up Durc’s carrying cloak and held it to her face, feeling the tears well up. She’d have no need for it, she wasn’t taking Durc. She packed it. At least she could take something that had been close to him. She dressed herself warmly. It was still early in the season; it would be cold on the steppes. North, it might still be winter. She hadn’t made any conscious decision about her direction; she knew she was going to the mainland north of the peninsula.
At the last moment, she decided to take the hide shelter she used when she went with the men on hunting trips, though technically it wasn’t hers. She could take anything that belonged to her; whatever was left behind would be burned. And she felt a share of the food was rightfully hers, too, but the shelter was Creb’s for the use of the people of his hearth. Creb was gone and he never did have a use for it; she didn’t think he would mind.
She packed it on top of her collecting basket, then hoisted the heavy load on her back and tied the thongs that held it securely in place. Tears threatened again as she stood in the middle of the hearth that had been her home since a few days after Iza found her. She would never see it again. A kaleidoscope of memories tumbled through her mind, stopping for an instant at significant scenes. She thought last of Creb. I wish I knew what caused you such pain, Creb. Maybe someday I’ll understand, but I’m so glad we talked the other night, before you left for the spirit world. I’ll never forget you, or Iza, or the clan. Then Ayla walked out of the cave.
No one looked at her, but everyone knew when she reappeared. She stopped at the still pool just outside the cave to fill her waterbags, and had another memory. Before dipping in and disturbing the mirrored surface, she leaned over and looked at herself. She studied her features carefully; she didn’t seem so ugly this time, but it wasn’t herself she was interested in. She wanted