The clan of the cave bear_ a novel - Jean M. Auel [80]
Ayla unconsciously reached for her amulet. “But my totem didn’t desert me, even though I was alone and had no home.”
“That was because he was testing you. He found you a home, didn’t he? The Cave Lion is a strong totem, Ayla. He chose you, he may decide to protect you always because he chose you, but all totems are happier with a home. If you pay attention to him, he will help you. He will tell you what is best.”
“How will I know, Creb?” Ayla asked. “I have never seen a Cave Lion Spirit. How do you know when a totem is telling you something?”
“You cannot see the spirit of your totem because he is part of you, inside you. Yet, he will tell you. Only you must learn to understand. If you have a decision to make, he will help you. He will give you a sign if you make the right choice.”
“What kind of sign?”
“It’s hard to say. Usually it will be something special or unusual. It may be a stone you have never seen before or a root with a special shape that has meaning for you. You must learn to understand with your heart and mind, not your eyes and ears, then you will know. Only you can understand your own totem, no one can tell you how. But when the time comes and you find a sign your totem has left you, put it in your amulet. It will bring you luck.”
“Do you have signs from your totem in your amulet, Creb?” the girl motioned, staring at the lumpy leather pouch that hung around the magician’s neck. She let the squirming baby get up and go to Iza.
“Yes,” he nodded. “One is a tooth from a cave bear given to me when I was chosen to be an acolyte. It wasn’t stuck in a jawbone; it was lying on some stones at my feet. I didn’t see it when I sat down. It is a perfect tooth, with no decay and no wear. It was a sign from Ursus that I had made the right decision.”
“Will my totem give me signs, too?”
“No one can tell. Perhaps, when you have important decisions to make. You will know when the time comes, as long as you have your amulet so your totem can find you. Take care that you never lose your amulet, Ayla. It was given to you when your totem was revealed. It holds the part of your spirit he recognizes. Without it, your totem’s spirit will not find his way back when he travels. He will get lost and look for his home in the spirit world. If you lose your amulet and do not find it quickly, you will die.”
Ayla shuddered, felt the small pouch hanging from a sturdy thong around her neck, and wondered when she would get a sign from her totem. “Do you think Durc’s totem gave him a sign when he decided to leave to find the land of the Sun?”
“No one knows, Ayla. It is not a part of the legend.”
“I think Durc was brave to try to find a new home.”
“He may have been brave, but he was foolish,” Creb answered. “He left his clan and the home of his ancestors and took a great risk. For what? To find something different. He wasn’t content to stay. Some young men think Durc was brave, but when they get older and wiser, they learn.”
“I think I like him because he was different,” Ayla said. “It’s my favorite legend.”
Ayla saw the women getting up to start the evening meal and jumped to follow them. Creb shook his head after the girl. Every time he thought Ayla was really learning to accept and understand the ways of the Clan, she said or did something that made him wonder. It wasn’t that she did anything wrong or bad, just not Clan. The legend was supposed to show the fallacy of trying to change the old ways, but Ayla admired the foolhardiness of the young man in the story who wanted something new. Will she ever get over