The Color Purple - Alice Walker [19]
Before I know it, tears meet under my chin.
And I’m confuse.
He love looking at Shug. I love looking at Shug.
But Shug don’t love looking at but one of us. Him.
But that the way it spose to be. I know that. But if that so, why my heart hurt me so?
My head droop so it near bout in my glass.
Then I hear my name.
Shug saying Celie. Miss Celie. And I look up where she at.
She say my name again. She say this song I’m bout to sing is call Miss Celie’s song. Cause she scratched it out of my head when I was sick.
First she hum it a little, like she do at home. Then she sing the words.
It all about some no count man doing her wrong, again. But I don’t listen to that part. I look at her and I hum along a little with the tune.
First time somebody made something and name it after me.
DEAR GOD,
Pretty soon it be time for Shug to go. She sing every week-end now at Harpo’s. He make right smart money off of her, and she make some too. Plus she gitting strong again and stout. First night or two her songs come out good but a little weak, now she belt them out. Folks out in the yard hear her with no trouble. She and Swain sound real good together. She sing, he pick his box. It nice at Harpo’s. Little tables all round the room with candles on them that I made, lot of little tables outside too, by the creek. Sometime I look down the path from our house and it look like a swarm of lightening bugs all in and through Sofia house. In the evening Shug can’t wait to go down there.
One day she say to me, Well, Miss Celie, I believe it time for me to go.
When? I ast.
Early next month, she say. June. June a good time to go off into the world.
I don’t say nothing. Feel like I felt when Nettie left.
She come over and put her hand on my shoulder.
He beat me when you not here, I say.
Who do, she say, Albert?
Mr. ____, I say.
I can’t believe it, she say. She sit down on the bench next to me real hard, like she drop.
What he beat you for? she ast.
For being me and not you.
Oh, Miss Celie, she say, and put her arms around me.
Us sit like that for maybe half a hour. Then she kiss me on the fleshy part of my shoulder and stand up.
I won’t leave, she say, until I know Albert won’t even think about beating you.
DEAR GOD,
Now we all know she going sometime soon, they sleep together at night. Not every night, but almost every night, from Friday to Monday.
He go down to Harpo’s to watch her sing. And just to look at her. Then way late they come home. They giggle and they talk and they rassle until morning. Then they go to bed until it time for her to get ready to go back to work.
First time it happen, it was a accident. Feeling just carried them away. That what Shug say. He don’t say nothing.
She ast me, Tell me the truth, she say, do you mind if Albert sleep with me?
I think, I don’t care who Albert sleep with. But I don’t say that.
I say, You might git big again.
She say, Naw, not with my sponge and all.
You still love him, I ast.
She say, I got what you call a passion for him. If I was ever going to have a husband he’d a been it. But he weak, she say. Can’t make up his mind what he want. And from what you tell me he a bully. Some things I love about him though, she say. He smell right to me. He so little. He make me laugh.
You like to sleep with him? I ast.
Yeah, Celie she say, I have to confess, I just love it. Don’t you?
Naw, I say. Mr. _____ can tell you, I don’t like it at all.
What is it like? He git up on you, heist your nightgown round your waist, plunge in. Most times I pretend I ain’t there. He never know the difference. Never ast me how I feel, nothing. Just do his business, get off, go to sleep.
She start to laugh. Do his business, she say. Do his business. Why, Miss Celie. You make it sound like he going to the toilet on you.
That what it feel