The Complete Short Stories of Evelyn Waugh - Evelyn Waugh [79]
“Forgive my coming back, sir, but I was afraid that the young lady might be upset at his Lordship’s not knowing her. You mustn’t mind him, miss. Next time he’ll be very pleased to see you. It’s only today he’s put out on account of being behindhand with his work. You see, sir, all this week I’ve been helping in the library and I haven’t been able to get all his Lordship’s reports typed out. And he’s got muddled with his card index. That’s all it is. He doesn’t mean any harm.”
“What a nice man,” said Angela, when Loveday had gone back to his charge.
“Yes. I don’t know what we should do without old Loveday. Everybody loves him, staff and patients alike.”
“I remember him well. It’s a great comfort to know that you are able to get such good warders,” said Lady Moping; “people who don’t know, say such foolish things about asylums.”
“Oh, but Loveday isn’t a warder,” said the doctor.
“You don’t mean he’s cuckoo, too?” said Angela.
The doctor corrected her.
“He is an inmate. It is rather an interesting case. He has been here for thirty-five years.”
“But I’ve never seen anyone saner,” said Angela.
“He certainly has that air,” said the doctor, “and in the last twenty years we have treated him as such. He is the life and soul of the place. Of course he is not one of the private patients, but we allow him to mix freely with them. He plays billiards excellently, does conjuring tricks at the concert, mends their gramophones, valets them, helps them in their crossword puzzles and various—er—hobbies. We allow them to give him small tips for services rendered, and he must by now have amassed quite a little fortune. He has a way with even the most troublesome of them. An invaluable man about the place.”
“Yes, but why is he here?”
“Well, it is rather sad. When he was a very young man he killed somebody—a young woman quite unknown to him, whom he knocked off her bicycle and then throttled. He gave himself up immediately afterwards and has been here ever since.”
“But surely he is perfectly safe now. Why is he not let out?”
“Well, I suppose if it was to anyone’s interest, he would be. He has no relatives except a step-sister who lives in Plymouth. She used to visit him at one time, but she hasn’t been for years now. He’s perfectly happy here and I can assure you we aren’t going to take the first steps in turning him out. He’s far too useful to us.”
“But it doesn’t seem fair,” said Angela.
“Look at your father,” said the doctor. “He’d be quite lost without Loveday to act as his secretary.”
“It doesn’t seem fair.”
II
Angela left the asylum, oppressed by a sense of injustice. Her mother was unsympathetic.
“Think of being locked up in a looney bin all one’s life.”
“He attempted to hang himself in the orangery,” replied Lady Moping, “in front of the Chester-Martins.”
“I don’t mean Papa. I mean Mr. Loveday.”
“I don’t think I know him.”
“Yes, the looney they have put to look after Papa.”
“Your father’s secretary. A very decent sort of man, I thought, and eminently suited to his work.”
Angela left the question for the time, but returned to it again at luncheon on the following day.
“Mums, what does one have to do to get people out of the bin?”
“The bin? Good gracious, child, I hope that you do not anticipate your father’s return here.”
“No, no. Mr. Loveday.”
“Angela, you seem to me to be totally bemused. I see it was a mistake to take you with me on our little visit yesterday.”
After luncheon Angela disappeared to the library and was soon immersed in the lunacy laws as represented in the encyclopaedia.
She did not re-open the subject with her mother, but a fortnight later, when there was a question of taking some pheasants over to her father for his eleventh Certification Party she showed an unusual willingness to run over with them. Her mother was occupied with other interests and noticed nothing suspicious.
Angela drove her small car to the asylum, and after delivering the game, asked for Mr. Loveday. He was busy at the time making a crown for one of his companions who expected hourly to be anointed Emperor of Brazil,