The Complete Stories - Flannery O'Connor [230]
Norton’s face began to twist. A knot formed in his chin.
“Listen,” Sheppard said quickly and pulled the child to him, “your mother’s spirit lives on in other people and It’ll live on in you if you’re good and generous like she was.”
The child’s pale eyes hardened in disbelief.
Sheppard’s pity turned to revulsion. The boy would rather she be in hell than nowhere. “Do you understand?” he said. “She doesn’t exist.” He put his hand on the child’s shoulder. “That’s all I have to give you,” he said in a softer, exasperated tone, “the truth.”
Instead of howling, the boy wrenched himself away and caught Johnson by the sleeve. “Is she there, Rufus?” he said. “Is she there, burning up?”
Johnson’s eyes glittered. ‘Well,” he said, “she is if she was evil. Was she a whore?”
“Your mother was not a whore,” Sheppard said sharply. He had the sensation of driving a car without brakes. “Now let’s have no more of this foolishness. We were talking about the moon.”
“Did she believe in Jesus?” Johnson asked.
Norton looked blank. After a second he said, “Yes,” as if he saw that this was necessary. “She did,” he said. “All the time.”
“She did not,” Sheppard muttered.
“She did all the time,” Norton said. “I heard her say she did all the time.”
“She’s saved,” Johnson said.
The child still looked puzzled. “Where?” he said. “Where is she at?”
“On high,” Johnson said.
“Where’s that?” Norton gasped.
“It’s in the sky somewhere,” Johnson said, “but you got to be dead to get there. You can’t go in no space ship.” There was a narrow gleam in his eyes now like a beam holding steady on its target.
“Man’s going to the moon,” Sheppard said grimly, “is very much like the first fish crawling out of the water onto land billions and billions of years ago. He didn’t have an earth suit. He had to grow his adjustments inside. He developed lungs.”
“When I’m dead will I go to hell or where she is?” Norton asked.
“Right now you’d go where she is,” Johnson said, “but if you live long enough, you’ll go to hell.”
Sheppard rose abruptly and picked up the lantern. “Close the window, Rufus,” he said. “It’s time we went to bed.”
On the way down the attic stairs he heard Johnson say in a loud whisper behind him, “I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow, kid, when Himself has cleared out:’
The next day when the boys came to the ball park, he watched them as they came from behind the bleachers and around the edge of the field. Johnson’s hand was on Norton’s shoulder, his head bent toward the younger boy’s ear, and on the child’s face there was a look of complete confidence, of dawning light. Sheppard’s grimace hardened. This would be Johnson’s way of trying to annoy him. But he would not be annoyed. Norton was not bright enough to be damaged much. He gazed at the child’s dull absorbed little face. Why try to make him superior? Heaven and hell were for the mediocre, and he was that if he was anything.
The two boys came into the bleachers and sat down about ten feet away, facing him, but neither gave him any sign of recognition. He cast a glance behind him where the Little Leaguers were spread out in the field. Then he started for the bleachers. The hiss of Johnson’s voice stopped as he approached.
‘What have you fellows been doing today?” he asked genially.
“He’s been telling me…” Norton started.
Johnson pushed the child in the ribs with his elbow. ‘We ain’t been doing nothing,” he said. His face appeared to be covered with a blank glaze but through it a look of complicity was blazoned forth insolently.
Sheppard felt his face grow warm, but he said nothing. A child in a Little League uniform had followed him and was nudging him in the back of the leg with a bat. He turned and put his arm around the boy’s neck and went with him back to the game.
That night when he went to the attic to join the boys at the telescope, he found Norton there alone. He was sitting on the packing box, hunched over, looking intently through the instrument. Johnson was not there.
“Where’s Rufus?” Sheppard asked.