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Unto those pleasures which I most affect.

WIFE

Sir, do but turn a gentle eye on me,

And what the law shall give me leave to do

You shall command.

HUSBAND

Look it be done.

Holding his hands in his pockets.

Shall I want dust and like a slave

Wear nothing in my pockets but my hands

To fill them up with nails?

Oh, much against my blood! Let it be done;

I was never made to be a looker on.

A bawd to dice? I'll shake the drabs myself

And make 'em yield. I say, look it be done!

WIFE

I take my leave; it shall.

HUSBAND

Speedily, speedily!

Exit Wife.

I hate the very hour I chose a wife, a trouble, trouble, three children like three evils hang upon me! Fie, fie, fie, strumpet and bastards, strumpet and bastards!

Enter three Gentlemen hearing him.

FIRST GENTLEMAN

Still do those loathsome thoughts jar on your tongue,

Yourself to stain the honour of your wife,

Nobly descended. Those whom men call mad

Endanger others, but he's more than mad

That wounds himself, whose own words do proclaim

Scandals unjust, to foil his better name:

It is not fit. I pray, forsake it.

SECOND GENTLEMAN

Good sir, let modesty reprove you.

THIRD GENTLEMAN

Let honest kindness sway so much with you.

HUSBAND

God-den, I thank you, sir. How do you? Adieu. I'm glad to see you. Farewell.

Exit Gentlemen.

Instructions! Admonitions!

Enter Servant.

How now, sirrah, what would you?

SERVANT

Only to certify to you, sir, that my mistress was met by the way, by these who were sent for her to London by her honourable uncle, your worship's late guardian.

HUSBAND

So, sir, then she is gone and so may you be.

But let her look that the thing be done she wots of,

Or Hell will stand more pleasant than her house at home.

[Exit Servant.] Enter a [Fourth] Gentleman.

FOURTH GENTLEMAN

Well or ill met, I care not.

HUSBAND

No, nor I.

FOURTH GENTLEMAN

I am come with confidence to chide you.

HUSBAND

Who, me? Chide me? Do't finely, then: let it not move me, for if thou chid'st me, angry I shall strike.

FOURTH GENTLEMAN

Strike thine own [follies], for it is they

Deserve to be well beaten. We are now in private;

There's none but thou and I. Thou'rt fond and peevish,

An unclean rioter, thy lands and credit

Lie now both sick of a consumption.

I am sorry for thee: that man spends with shame

That with his riches does consume his name,

And such art thou.

HUSBAND

Peace!

FOURTH GENTLEMAN

No, thou shalt hear me further.

Thy father's and forefathers' worthy honours,

Which were our [country's] monuments, our grace,

Follies in thee begin now to deface.

The springtime of thy youth did fairly promise

Such a most fruitful summer to thy friends,

It scarce can enter into men's beliefs

Such dearth should hang on thee. We that see it

Are sorry to believe it. In thy change

This voice into all places will be hurl'd:

Thou and the devil [have] deceived the world.

HUSBAND

I'll not endure thee!

FOURTH GENTLEMAN

But of all the worst:

Thy virtuous wife, right honourably allied,

Thou hast proclaimed a strumpet.

HUSBAND

Nay, then, I know thee:

Thou art her champion, thou, her private friend,

The party you wot on.

FOURTH GENTLEMAN

Oh, ignoble thought!

I am past my patient blood. Shall I stand idle

And see my reputation touch'd to death?

HUSBAND

'T'as gall'd you this, has it?

FOURTH GENTLEMAN

No, monster, I will prove

My thoughts did only tend to virtuous love.

[HUSBAND]

Love of her virtues? There it goes!

FOURTH GENTLEMAN

Base spirit,

To lay thy hate upon the fruitful honour

Of thine own bed!

They [draw their swords and] fight, and the Husband's hurt.

HUSBAND

Oh!

FOURTH GENTLEMAN

Woult thou yield it yet?

HUSBAND

Sir, sir, I have not done with you.

GENTLEMAN

I hope, nor ne'er shall do.

Fight again.

HUSBAND

Have you got tricks?

Are you in cunning with me?

FOURTH GENTLEMAN

No, plain and right.

He needs no cunning that for truth doth fight.

Husband [is wounded and] falls down.

HUSBAND

Hard