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Ay, that she can.

SPEED.

'Item: She brews good ale.'

LAUNCE.

And thereof comes the proverb: Blessing of your heart,

you brew good ale.

SPEED.

'Item: She can sew.'

LAUNCE.

That's as much as to say 'Can she so?'

SPEED.

'Item: She can knit.'

LAUNCE.

What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can

knit him a stock.

SPEED.

'Item: She can wash and scour.'

LAUNCE.

A special virtue; for then she need not be wash'd and scour'd.

SPEED.

'Item: She can spin.'

LAUNCE.

Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living.

SPEED.

'Item: She hath many nameless virtues.'

LAUNCE.

That's as much as to say 'bastard virtues'; that indeed

know not their fathers, and therefore have no names.

SPEED.

'Here follow her vices.'

LAUNCE.

Close at the heels of her virtues.

SPEED.

'Item: She is not to be kiss'd fasting, in respect of her breath.'

LAUNCE.

Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast.

Read on.

SPEED.

'Item: She hath a sweet mouth.'

LAUNCE.

That makes amends for her sour breath.

SPEED.

'Item: She doth talk in her sleep.'

LAUNCE.

It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.

SPEED.

'Item: She is slow in words.'

LAUNCE.

O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow

in words is a woman's only virtue. I pray thee, out with't; and

place it for her chief virtue.

SPEED.

'Item: She is proud.'

LAUNCE.

Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her.

SPEED.

'Item: She hath no teeth.'

LAUNCE.

I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.

SPEED.

'Item: She is curst.'

LAUNCE.

Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.

SPEED.

'Item: She will often praise her liquor.'

LAUNCE.

If her liquor be good, she shall; if she will not, I

will;

for good things should be praised.

SPEED.

'Item: She is too liberal.'

LAUNCE.

Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down she is slow

of; of her purse she shall not, for that I'll keep shut. Now of

another thing she may, and that cannot I help. Well, proceed.

SPEED.

'Item: She hath more hair than wit, and more faults

than hairs, and more wealth than faults.'

LAUNCE.

Stop there; I'll have her; she was mine, and not mine,

twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse that once more.

SPEED.

'Item: She hath more hair than wit'-

LAUNCE.

More hair than wit. It may be; I'll prove it: the cover of

the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt;

the hair that covers the wit is more than the wit, for the

greater hides the less. What's next?

SPEED.

'And more faults than hairs'-

LAUNCE.

That's monstrous. O that that were out!

SPEED.

'And more wealth than faults.'

LAUNCE.

Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well, I'll have

her; an if it be a match, as nothing is impossible-

SPEED.

What then?

LAUNCE.

Why, then will I tell thee- that thy master stays for thee

at the Northgate.

SPEED.

For me?

LAUNCE.

For thee! ay, who art thou? He hath stay'd for a better man than thee.

SPEED.

And must I go to him?

LAUNCE.

Thou must run to him, for thou hast stay'd so long that

going will scarce serve the turn.

SPEED.

Why didst not tell me sooner? Pox of your love letters!

Exit

LAUNCE. Now will he be swing'd for reading my letter. An unmannerly

slave that will thrust himself into secrets! I'll after, to

rejoice in the boy's correction. Exit

SCENE 2. Milan. The DUKE'S palace

Enter DUKE and THURIO

DUKE.

Sir Thurio, fear not but that she will love you

Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight.

THURIO.

Since his exile she hath despis'd me most,

Forsworn my company and rail'd at me,

That I am desperate of obtaining her.

DUKE.

This weak impress of love is as a figure

Trenched in ice, which with an hour's heat

Dissolves to water and doth lose his form.

A little time will melt her frozen thoughts,

And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.

Enter PROTEUS

How now, Sir Proteus! Is your countryman,

According to our proclamation,