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AGUECHEEK.

'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's ahungry,

to challenge him the field, and then to break promise with him

and make a fool of him.

SIR TOBY.

Do't, knight. I'll write thee a challenge; or I'll

deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.

MARIA.

Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for to-night; since the youth of

the Count's was to-day with my lady, she is much out of quiet.

For Monsieur Malvolio, let me alone with him; if I do not gull

him into a nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not

think I have wit enough to lie straight in my bed. I know I

can do it.

SIR TOBY.

Possess us, possess us; tell us something of him.

MARIA.

Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of Puritan.

AGUECHEEK.

O, if I thought that, I'd beat him like a dog.

SIR TOBY.

What, for being a Puritan? Thy exquisite reason, dear knight?

AGUECHEEK.

I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason good enough.

MARIA.

The devil a Puritan that he is, or anything constantly but a

time-pleaser; an affection'd ass that cons state without book and

utters it by great swarths; the best persuaded of himself, so

cramm'd, as he thinks, with excellencies that it is his grounds

of faith that all that look on him love him; and on that vice in

him will my revenge find notable cause to work.

SIR TOBY.

What wilt thou do?

MARIA.

I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love;

wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape of his leg, the

manner of his gait, the expressure of his eye, forehead, and

complexion, he shall find himself most feelingly personated.

I

can write very like my lady, your niece; on forgotten matter we

can hardly make distinction of our hands.

SIR TOBY.

Excellent! I smell a device.

AGUECHEEK.

I have't in my nose too.

SIR TOBY.

He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that

they come from my niece, and that she's in love with him.

MARIA.

My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.

AGUECHEEK.

And your horse now would make him an ass.

MARIA.

Ass, I doubt not.

AGUECHEEK.

O, 'twill be admirable!

MARIA.

Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic will work with

him. I will plant you two, and let the fool make a third, where

he shall find the letter; observe his construction of it. For

this night, to bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.

Exit

SIR TOBY. Good night, Penthesilea.

AGUECHEEK.

Before me, she's a good wench.

SIR TOBY.

She's a beagle true-bred, and one that adores me.

What o' that?

AGUECHEEK.

I was ador'd once too.

SIR TOBY.

Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for more money.

AGUECHEEK.

If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.

SIR TOBY.

Send for money, knight; if thou hast her not i' th'

end,

call me Cut.

AGUECHEEK.

If I do not, never trust me; take it how you will.

SIR TOBY.

Come, come, I'll go burn some sack; 'tis too late to go

to bed now. Come, knight; come, knight.

Exeunt

SCENE IV. The DUKE'S palace

Enter DUKE, VIOLA, CURIO, and OTHERS

DUKE.

Give me some music. Now, good morrow, friends.

Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,

That old and antique song we heard last night;

Methought it did relieve my passion much,

More than light airs and recollected terms

Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times.

Come, but one verse.

CURIO.

He is not here, so please your lordship, that should sing it.

DUKE.

Who was it?

CURIO.

Feste, the jester, my lord; a fool that the Lady

Olivia's

father took much delight in. He is about the house.

DUKE.

Seek him out, and play the tune the while.

Exit CURIO. [Music plays]

Come hither, boy. If ever thou shalt love,

In the sweet pangs of it remember me;

For such as I am all true lovers are,

Unstaid and skittish in all motions else

Save in the constant image of the creature

That is belov'd. How dost thou like this tune?

VIOLA.

It gives a very echo to the seat

Where Love is thron'd.

DUKE.

Thou dost speak masterly.

My life upon't, young though thou art, thine eye

Hath