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Enter MARIA

SIR TOBY.

Look where the youngest wren of nine comes.

MARIA.

If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves into

stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a very

renegado; for there is no Christian that means to be saved by

believing rightly can ever believe such impossible passages of

grossness. He's in yellow stockings.

SIR TOBY.

And cross-garter'd?

MARIA.

Most villainously; like a pedant that keeps a school i' th'

church. I have dogg'd him like his murderer. He does obey every

point of the letter that I dropp'd to betray him. He does smile

his face into more lines than is in the new map with the

augmentation of the Indies. You have not seen such a thing as

'tis; I can hardly forbear hurling things at him. I know my lady

will strike him; if she do, he'll smile and take't for a great favour.

SIR TOBY.

Come, bring us, bring us where he is. Exeunt

SCENE III. A street

Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO

SEBASTIAN.

I would not by my will have troubled you;

But since you make your pleasure of your pains,

I will no further chide you.

ANTONIO.

I could not stay behind you: my desire,

More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth;

And not all love to see you- though so much

As might have drawn one to a longer voyage-

But jealousy what might befall your travel,

Being skilless in these parts; which to a stranger,

Unguided and unfriended, often prove

Rough and unhospitable. My willing love,

The rather by these arguments of fear,

Set forth in your pursuit.

SEBASTIAN.

My kind Antonio,

I can no other answer make but thanks,

And thanks, and ever thanks; and oft good turns

Are shuffl'd off with such uncurrent pay;

But were my worth as is my conscience firm,

You should find better dealing. What's to do?

Shall we go see the reliques of this town?

ANTONIO.

To-morrow, sir; best first go see your lodging.

SEBASTIAN.

I am not weary, and 'tis long to night;

I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes

With the memorials and the things of fame

That do renown this city.

ANTONIO.

Would you'd pardon me.

I do not without danger walk these streets:

Once in a sea-fight 'gainst the Count his galleys

I did some service; of such note, indeed,

That, were I ta'en here, it would scarce be answer'd.

SEBASTIAN.

Belike you slew great number of his people.

ANTONIO.Th' offence is not of such a bloody nature;

Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel

Might well have given us bloody argument.

It might have since been answer'd in repaying

What we took from them; which, for traffic's sake,

Most of our city did. Only myself stood out;

For which, if I be lapsed in this place,

I shall pay dear.

SEBASTIAN.

Do not then walk too open.

ANTONIO.

It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here's my purse;

In the south suburbs, at the Elephant,

Is best to lodge. I will bespeak our diet,

Whiles you beguile the time and feed your knowledge

With viewing of the town; there shall you have me.

SEBASTIAN.

Why I your purse?

ANTONIO.

Haply your eye shall light upon some toy

You have desire to purchase; and your store,

I think, is not for idle markets, sir.

SEBASTIAN.

I'll be your purse-bearer, and leave you for An hour.

ANTONIO.

To th' Elephant.

SEBASTIAN.

I do remember. Exeunt

SCENE IV. OLIVIA'S garden

Enter OLIVIA and MARIA

OLIVIA.

I have sent after him; he says he'll come.

How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?

For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.

I speak too loud.

Where's Malvolio? He is sad and civil,

And suits well for a servant with my fortunes.

Where is Malvolio?

MARIA.

He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner.

He is sure possess'd, madam.

OLIVIA.

Why, what's the matter? Does he rave?

MARIA.

No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your ladyship were

best to have some guard about you if he come; for sure the man is

tainted in's wits.

OLIVIA.

Go call him hither. Exit MARIA

I am as mad as he,

If sad and merry madness equal be.

Re-enter MARIA with MALVOLIO

How now,