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how I might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat

men as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's

liking. And yet he would not swear; prais'd women's

modesty, and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof

to all uncomeliness that I would have sworn his disposition

would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no

more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth

Psalm to the tune of 'Greensleeves.' What tempest, I trow,

threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly,

ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I

think the best way were to entertain him with hope, till

the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease.

Did you ever hear the like?

MRS.

PAGE. Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and

Ford differs. To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill

opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter; but let thine

inherit first, for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant he

hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for

different names-sure, more!-and these are of the second

edition. He will print them, out of doubt; for he cares not

what he puts into the press when he would put us two. I

had rather be a giantess and lie under Mount Pelion. Well,

I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.

MRS.

FORD. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the

very words. What doth he think of us?

MRS.

PAGE. Nay, I know not; it makes me almost ready to

wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like

one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he

know some strain in me that I know not myself, he would

never have boarded me in this fury.

MRS.

FORD. 'Boarding' call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck.

MRS.

PAGE. So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never

to sea again. Let's be reveng'd on him; let's appoint him a

meeting, give him a show of comfort in his suit, and lead

him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his

horses to mine host of the Garter.

MRS.

FORD. Nay, I will consent to act any villainy against

him that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O

that my husband saw this letter! It would give eternal food to his jealousy.

MRS.

PAGE. Why, look where he comes; and my good man

too; he's as far from jealousy as I am from giving him

cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance.

MRS.

FORD. You are the happier woman.

MRS.

PAGE. Let's consult together against this greasy knight.

Come hither. [They retire]

Enter FORD with PISTOL, and PAGE with Nym

FORD.

Well, I hope it be not so.

PISTOL.

Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs.

Sir John affects thy wife.

FORD.

Why, sir, my wife is not young.

PISTOL.

He woos both high and low, both rich and poor,

Both young and old, one with another, Ford;

He loves the gallimaufry. Ford, perpend.

FORD.

Love my wife!

PISTOL.

With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou,

Like Sir Actaeon he, with Ringwood at thy heels.

O, odious is the name!

FORD.

What name, sir?

PISTOL.

The horn, I say. Farewell.

Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night;

Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo birds do sing.

Away, Sir Corporal Nym.

Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. Exit PISTOL

FORD.

[Aside] I will be patient; I will find out this.

NYM.

[To PAGE] And this is true; I like not the humour of

lying. He hath wronged me in some humours; I should

have borne the humour'd letter to her; but I have a sword,

and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife;

there's the short and the long.

My name is Corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch;

'Tis true. My name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.

Adieu! I love not the humour of bread and cheese; and

there's the humour of it. Adieu. Exit Nym

PAGE.

'The humour of it,' quoth 'a! Here's a fellow frights

English out of his wits.

FORD.

I will seek out Falstaff.

PAGE.

I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.

FORD.

If I do find it-well.