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ACHILLES.

Who's there?

PATROCLUS.

Thersites, my lord.

ACHILLES.

Where, where? O, where? Art thou come? Why, my cheese, my

digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to my table so

many meals? Come, what's Agamemnon?

THERSITES.

Thy commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus,

what's Achilles?

PATROCLUS.

Thy lord, Thersites. Then tell me, I pray thee,

what's Thersites?

THERSITES.

Thy knower, Patroclus. Then tell me, Patroclus, what art thou?

PATROCLUS.

Thou must tell that knowest.

ACHILLES.

O, tell, tell,

THERSITES.

I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands

Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus' knower; and

Patroclus is a fool.

PATROCLUS.

You rascal!

THERSITES.

Peace, fool! I have not done.

ACHILLES.

He is a privileg'd man. Proceed, Thersites.

THERSITES.

Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites is a

fool; and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool.

ACHILLES.

Derive this; come.

THERSITES.

Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles;

Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon; Thersites is a

fool to serve such a fool; and this Patroclus is a fool positive.

PATROCLUS.

Why am I a fool?

THERSITES.

Make that demand of the Creator. It suffices me thou

art. Look you, who comes here?

ACHILLES.

Come, Patroclus, I'll speak with nobody. Come in with me,

Thersites.

Exit

THERSITES. Here is such patchery, such juggling, and such knavery.

All the argument is a whore and a cuckold-a good quarrel to draw

emulous factions and bleed to death upon. Now the dry serpigo on

the subject, and war and lechery confound all!

Exit

Enter AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, DIOMEDES,

AJAX, and CALCHAS

AGAMEMNON.

Where is Achilles?

PATROCLUS.

Within his tent; but ill-dispos'd, my lord.

AGAMEMNON.

Let it be known to him that we are here.

He shent our messengers; and we lay by

Our appertainings, visiting of him.

Let him be told so; lest, perchance, he think

We dare not move the question of our place

Or know not what we are.

PATROCLUS.

I shall say so to him.

Exit

ULYSSES. We saw him at the opening of his tent.

He is not sick.

AJAX.

Yes, lion-sick, sick of proud heart. You may call it

melancholy, if you will favour the man; but, by my head, 'tis

pride. But why, why? Let him show us a cause. A word, my lord.

[Takes AGAMEMNON

aside]

NESTOR.

What moves Ajax thus to bay at him?

ULYSSES.

Achilles hath inveigled his fool from him.

NESTOR.Who, Thersites?

ULYSSES.

He.

NESTOR.

Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have lost his argument

ULYSSES.

No; you see he is his argument that has his argument-

Achilles.

NESTOR.

All the better; their fraction is more our wish than their

faction. But it was a strong composure a fool could disunite!

ULYSSES.

The amity that wisdom knits not, folly may easily untie.

Re-enter PATROCLUS

Here comes Patroclus.

NESTOR.

No Achilles with him.

ULYSSES.

The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy; his legs

are legs for necessity, not for flexure.

PATROCLUS.

Achilles bids me say he is much sorry

If any thing more than your sport and pleasure

Did move your greatness and this noble state

To call upon him; he hopes it is no other

But for your health and your digestion sake,

An after-dinner's breath.

AGAMEMNON.

Hear you, Patroclus.

We are too well acquainted with these answers;

But his evasion, wing'd thus swift with scorn,

Cannot outfly our apprehensions.

Much attribute he hath, and much the reason

Why we ascribe it to him. Yet all his virtues,

Not virtuously on his own part beheld,

Do in our eyes begin to lose their gloss;

Yea, like fair fruit in an unwholesome dish,

Are like to rot untasted. Go and tell him

We come to speak with him; and you shall not sin

If you do say we think him over-proud

And under-honest, in self-assumption greater

Than in the note of judgment; and worthier than himself

Here tend the savage strangeness he puts on,

Disguise the holy strength of their command,

And underwrite in an observing kind

His