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in the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten

livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume,

sciaticas,

limekilns i' th' palm, incurable bone-ache, and the rivelled

fee-

simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!

PATROCLUS.

Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest thou to curse thus?

THERSITES.

Do I curse thee?

PATROCLUS.

Why, no, you ruinous butt; you whoreson

indistinguishable cur, no.

THERSITES.

No! Why art thou, then, exasperate, thou idle immaterial

skein of sleid silk, thou green sarcenet flap for a sore eye,

thou tassel of a prodigal's purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is

pest'red with such water-flies-diminutives of nature!

PATROCLUS.

Out, gall!

THERSITES.

Finch egg!

ACHILLES.

My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite

From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.

Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,

A token from her daughter, my fair love,

Both taxing me and gaging me to keep

An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it.

Fall Greeks; fail fame; honour or go or stay;

My major vow lies here, this I'll obey.

Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent;

This night in banqueting must all be spent.

Away, Patroclus! Exit with

PATROCLUS

THERSITES.

With too much blood and too little brain these two may

run mad; but, if with too much brain and to little blood they do,

I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow

enough, and one that loves quails, but he has not so much brain

as ear-wax; and the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his

brother, the bull, the primitive statue and oblique memorial of

cuckolds, a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his

brother's leg-to what form but that he is, should wit larded with

malice, and malice forced with wit, turn him to? To an ass, were

nothing: he is both ass and ox. To an ox, were nothing: he is both

ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a

lizard, an owl, a put-tock, or a herring without a roe, I would

not care; but to be Menelaus, I would conspire against destiny.

Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites; for I care

not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus.

Hey-day!

sprites and fires!

Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES,

NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights

AGAMEMNON.

We go wrong, we go wrong.

AJAX.

No, yonder 'tis;

There, where we see the lights.

HECTOR.

I trouble you.

AJAX.

No, not a whit.

Re-enter ACHILLES

ULYSSES.

Here comes himself to guide you.

ACHILLES.

Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, Princes all.

AGAMEMNON.

So now, fair Prince of Troy, I bid good night;

Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.

HECTOR.

Thanks, and good night to the Greeks' general.

MENELAUS.

Good night, my lord.

HECTOR.

Good night, sweet Lord Menelaus.

THERSITES.

Sweet draught! 'Sweet' quoth 'a?

Sweet sink, sweet sewer!

ACHILLES.

Good night and welcome, both at once, to those

That go or tarry.

AGAMEMNON.

Good night.

Exeunt AGAMEMNON and

MENELAUS

ACHILLES.

Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed,

Keep Hector company an hour or two.

DIOMEDES.

I cannot, lord; I have important business,

The tide whereof is now. Good night, great Hector.

HECTOR.

Give me your hand.

ULYSSES.

[Aside to TROILUS] Follow his torch; he goes to

Calchas' tent; I'll keep you company.

TROILUS.

Sweet sir, you honour me.

HECTOR.

And so, good night.

Exit DIOMEDES; ULYSSES and TROILUS

following

ACHILLES.

Come, come, enter my tent.

Exeunt all but

THERSITES

THERSITES.

That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most unjust

knave; I will no more trust him when he leers than I will a

serpent when he hisses. He will spend his mouth and promise, like

Brabbler the hound; but when he performs, astronomers foretell

it: it is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun

borrows of the moon when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather

leave to see Hector than not to dog him. They say he keeps a

Troyan drab, and uses the