• Choose a category
• All
• Classic-Fiction

“Maybe because most of us are of European descent,” Father O’Gould suggested mildly.

“Europe is where most of the fossils and remnants of Neanderthal material culture have been found,” Harvey said.

“Then all the evidence is not in?” Professor Jackson persisted.

Harvey looked amused. “You’re right. All of the evidence is not in. If we waited for all the evidence to be in, nothing would happen. The world would turn into one big faculty meeting.”

“Is there definitive proof that there were no black- or brown-skinned Neanderthals?” Professor Randall Athol of the Divinity School asked.

Izzy Landes said, “There’s no definitive proof that whales can’t do higher mathematics. How do you prove a negative?

Father O’Gould cleared his throat. “Most of the extant research on Neanderthals has been done in Europe and the Middle East …”

Chair Brattle rapped her figurative gavel. “We’re not getting anywhere with this.”

Professor McNull frowned.

“Why does that not surprise me?” the Reverend Lopes said. But with a smile.

Harvey glanced at his watch. “I’m afraid I must have my say and leave.” He smiled. “Let me put this in terms on which Professor Jackson and like-minded members of the committee might be able to agree.” He waited a moment.

“To begin with, there’s the science, which, as far as Neanderthal skin pigmentation goes, looks pretty good. Mind you, there’s lots more we need to know and won’t know until a complete genomic sequencing is carried out. At this point, we can only guess as to how much body hair either sex had. There is much debate about Neanderthal speech. For instance, they may not have separated singing from talking.”

“Life as an Italian opera you mean?” Izzy asked brightly.

“Well, certainly more than parlando. Perhaps like a Broadway musical.”

“They were the original lowbrows,” I said.

Harvey resumed, “We know that they had large noses, negligible chins, heavy brows, and tool development little beyond that of Homo erectus. But, whatever their development, in the popular mind, Neanderthals were, well, Neanderthals. Their lives were, if not solitary, then poor, nasty, brutish, and short. It could be argued that to assume these primitive humans were people of color would be to reinforce entrenched racial stereotypes.”

He gathered his papers. “And on that note, I will take my leave. But first, let me say that one might have expected resistance from the white community, such as it is, should we plan to show these primitive humans who were fated to go extinct as fair-haired and pale-skinned.”

Having tossed that little bomb, he rose, gathered his papers, bowed toward the chair, and on the way out slipped me a folded piece of paper.

Izzy, at his facetious best, said, “So, is it not a slur against white people to have these early forms of humanity depicted as fair-skinned and red-haired? Should we not keep in mind the sensibilities of the Irish, for instance?”

“As prognathically challenged?” someone asked.

Father O’Gould cleared his throat. “I think if the physiognomies of the models were made hirsute and chinless, there shouldn’t be any cause for concern on the part of Irish sensibilities.”

Izzy, in all apparent seriousness, asked, “Are you suggesting, S.J., that the Irish are sufficiently well chinned to be secure in their chinliness?”

Thad Pilty, of all people, bit. He said, “I doubt very much there’s any hard data on Irish chins.”

“Then let’s do the research,” Izzy said with mock enthusiasm. “Norman, you could check the museum’s Skull Collection. You must have any number of Irish specimens down there.”

“I could find out easily enough.”

Chair Brattle asked, “What would be the criteria?”

“Oh,” said Izzy, pretending to be incredulous at her ignorance. “You could see how they measure on the ICI.”

“The ICI?”

“The International Chin Index. It’s an anthropometric term.”

“I’ve never heard of it.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

“This is all very well and good,” Corny Chard put in. “But what about the chinless Hapsburgs? We could create an international incident.”

“What’s the point of all this?” someone asked.