The Courage Tree - Diane Chamberlain [57]
Back in the living room, she curled up in one corner of the sofa, turning so that she could see out the window. She hugged her knees against her chest, watching as Lucas wrapped burlap around one of the shrubs near the driveway. Although he looked no different than he usually did from a distance, she was seeing him with new eyes.
Her knees pressed against her breasts, and the desire that simple sensation awakened in her took her by surprise. She had given up on the sexual part of herself. It had been so long since she’d felt any sexual attraction to a man that she’d talked herself into not wanting it, not needing it. She’d lived these last three years for Sophie. Her body had been nothing more than an instrument for taking care of her daughter.
Now, suddenly, almost guiltily, she felt life returning to that mechanical body. She imagined Lucas here on the sofa with her, the smile in his pale eyes warming her. He would kiss her, hold her. He’d lay her down along the length of the sofa and stretch out next to her, touching her gently, the way he had touched her arm. The fantasy was strong and unbidden and delicious, and it stunned her when she became conscious of it. She was not a fantasizer, not anymore. Dreams only got in the way of coping with reality.
The next day he would come to repair the pane of glass, and she would be sure to be at home when he did. She had the feeling that Lucas could make her dream. He had already given her hope.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
From where she lay on Sophie’s bed, Janine could hear Lucas’s car on the gravel driveway. As he pulled into the turnaround near the cottage, his headlights cut through the window to Sophie’s room, settling on the Winnie the Pooh lamp on the dresser. Usually, Lucas would have parked out on the street and walked in, so that her parents wouldn’t know he was there, but tonight, the rules were changing.
Setting the teddy bear aside, she tried to get up, but found she could not move. Her body was held to the bed by some invisible force. She listened to Lucas’s knock on the front door, opening her mouth to speak.
“In here,” she said, but it came out only as a whisper. He knocked again, and she heard him let himself in.
“Janine?”
“In Sophie’s room,” she said, still so softly that she knew he couldn’t hear her. But he walked through the small house, and when she heard him in the hall, she raised the volume of her voice a notch or two.
“I’m in here,” she said.
He came into the dark room and walked over to the bed. “Move over,” he said quietly, and she did. He lay down next to her, taking her in his arms. She clung to him, her breathing quick and shallow against his neck, but she didn’t cry. For now at least, she felt wrung dry.
Neither of them spoke for a good ten minutes, as he held her close and stroked her back.
“Do you still believe in miracles?” she asked him finally.
“The man-made variety. Yes.”
“We need one now,” she said.
“Yes,” he agreed. “We do.”
“I feel like I’m being punished.”
“What for?”
“For enrolling her in Schaefer’s study. For sending her off on this weekend camp-out against Joe’s advice and wishes. I’ve ignored what he thinks is best for Sophie during the last couple of months, and now look what happened.”
“What happened is that Sophie was well enough to take the sort of risk every other eight-year-old girl takes on a regular basis,” he said. “Can’t you see that, Jan? Can’t you let go of the guilt long enough to see that?”
“Maybe if she’d come back today, I could have. But now…wherever she is…” Janine shuddered. “She must be so scared.”
He hugged her close, then released her, resting his hand on her belly. “I can feel your hipbones through your shorts,” he said. “When was the last time you ate?”
She tried to think. “I don’t know. Yesterday, I guess. I had lunch before I knew she was gone.” It seemed so long ago.
“And you’ve had nothing today?”
“No.”
“Come on.” He