• Choose a category
• All
• Classic-Fiction

And outside the window was like a map, except that it was in 3 dimensions and it was life-size because it was the thing it was a map of. And there were so many things it made my head hurt, so I closed my eyes, but then I opened them again because it was like flying, but nearer to the ground, and I think flying is good. And then the countryside started and there were fields and cows and horses and a bridge and a farm and more houses and lots of little roads with cars on them. And that made me think that there must be millions of miles of train track in the world and they all go past houses and roads and rivers and fields, and that made me think how many people must be in the world and they all have houses and roads to travel on and cars and pets and clothes and they all eat lunch and go to bed and have names and this made my head hurt, too, so I closed my eyes again and did counting and groaning.

And when I opened my eyes the policeman was reading a newspaper called The Sun, and on the front of the paper it said £3m Anderson's Call Girl Shame and it had a picture of a man and a picture of a lady in a bra underneath.

And then I did some maths practice in my head, solving quadratic equations using the formula

And then I wanted to go for a wee, but I was on a train. And I didn't know how long it would take us to get to London and I felt a panic starting, and I started to tap a rhythm on the glass with my knuckles to help me wait and not think about wanting to go for a wee, and I looked at my watch and I waited for 17 minutes, but when I want to go for a wee I have to go really quickly, which is why I like to be at home or at school and I always go for a wee before I get on the bus, which is why I leaked a bit and wet my trousers.

And then the policeman looked across at me and said, “Oh Christ, you've . . .” And then he put his newspaper down and said, “For God's sake go to the bloody toilet, will you.”

And I said, “But I'm on a train.”

And he said, “They do have toilets on trains, you know.”

And I said, “Where is the toilet on the train?”

And he pointed and said, “Through those doors there. But I'll be keeping an eye on you, understand?”

And I said, “No,” because I knew what keeping an eye on someone meant but he couldn't look at me when I was in the toilet.

And he said, “Just go to the bloody toilet.”

So I got up out of my seat and I closed my eyes so that my eyelids were just little slits so I couldn't see the other people on the train and I walked to the door, and when I got through the door there was another door on the right and it was half open and it said TOILET on it, so I went inside.

And it was horrible inside because there was poo on the seat of the toilet and it smelled of poo, like the toilet at school when Joseph has been for a poo on his own, because he plays with it.

And I didn't want to use the toilet because of the poo, which was the poo of people I didn't know and brown, but I had to because I really wanted to wee. So I closed my eyes and went for a wee and the train wobbled and lots went on the seat and on the floor, but I wiped my penis with toilet paper and flushed the toilet and then I tried to use the sink but the tap didn't work, so I put spit on my hands and wiped them with a paper tissue and put it into the toilet.

Then I went out of the toilet and I saw that opposite the toilet there were two shelves with cases and a rucksack on them and it made me think of the airing cupboard at home and how I climb in there sometimes and it makes me feel safe. So I climbed onto the middle shelf and I pulled one of the cases across like a door so that I was shut in, and it was dark and there was no one in there with me and I couldn't hear people talking so I felt much calmer and it was nice.

And I did some more quadratic equations like

0 = 437x2 + 103x + 11

and

0 = 79x2 + 43x + 2089

and I made some of the coefficients large so that they were hard to solve.

And then the train started to slow down and someone came and stood near the shelf and knocked on the