The Dark and Hollow Places - Carrie Ryan [110]
Dove lowers her hand. She kneels in the middle of the locked cage, staring at me. I want her to understand this decision. I want her to understand that in this world there are no easy choices, only choices that have to be made.
“Don’t leave me like this, Annah,” she begs.
I start backing away from her. Once you begin determining someone else’s fate, how can you ever stop?
“Annah.” She tries to shout but her voice cracks. “Don’t let me be like them! Annah! Don’t do this! Don’t leave me here! Please, Annah! Please!”
Her voice follows me as I stumble up the steps. “They’re going to turn me into a monster, Annah! Don’t do this to me! You have to help me! Annah!”
She’s right, of course she’s right. And I’m so undone by my inability to fix things for Dove that Catcher has to carry me from the building, striding swiftly down the dim hallways. We pass a few Recruiters, who shuffle back into the shadows, their narrowed eyes tracking us.
I press my face against Catcher’s chest. I wish the touch of him brought me comfort. I wish it made me feel whole. I wish I could remember the determination on his face when he told Conall that I was the woman he loved.
But all I can hear are Dove’s pleas. The sound of the gate crashing shut. All I can think is that I’m not the person I thought I was. I’m selfish and horrible and cruel, just like the Recruiters.
I wonder if that’s what it takes to survive in this world, and if that’s the case, whether any of us deserve to live after all.
“Do you think they’ll come after us?” I’m standing over the woodstove steeping herbs into an infusion for Elias and my sister. I’ve been forcing them to drink this stuff all day and already they’re looking better, sleeping more peacefully.
Catcher’s at the window, looking down on the Recruiter headquarters. “I don’t know,” he says.
I nod, watching the water in the pan turn dark and murky. We both know they will, after what happened with Conall. I wonder if Dove’s alive. If she’s still in the cage screaming for me. Beating her fists against the gate. I wonder if she’ll ever forgive me.
I wonder if I’ll ever forgive myself. I notice a few traces of dried blood caked along my nails. Dove’s blood. Dove, whose pain I chose to ignore. I wonder how often Catcher is forced to make similar choices.
“I found a ship.” He says it so quietly and calmly that it takes a moment for the magnitude of the statement to sink in.
“It’s beached, not too far away. Big enough for us to live on for a while. For a lot of us—anyone else who can get off the Sanctuary and out of the Dark City. I think it belonged to the Protectorate. There were some Mudo on board, but …” He waves a hand in the air as if they’re no longer a problem.
“A ship?” I whisper. I let my eyes close and dream about it. Nothing but water surrounding us. Free of the Recruiters.
He smiles, a small lopsided grin. “I saw the curve of a roller coaster off in the distance when I was out scavenging.” He tilts his head toward me, his eyes glinting with joy. “I grew up next to an amusement park. That’s where …” He swallows, the smile dimming a bit before he shakes his head, clearing away whatever was bothering him.
“Anyway, it reminded me of home and so I decided to go check it out.” He laughs softly. “I climbed to the top of one of the coasters. It was the most amazing sensation being alone out there staring at the horizon.” His eyes lose their faraway look. “That was when I saw the ship. It was beached in the shallows down the shore a ways.”
He shrugs. “I just wish I knew how to get us there. I can stock it with food and water, but what good is that? I can’t get it up the river to the Sanctuary by myself, and I can’t figure out how to get you and the others there safely.”
I poke at the bag of herbs, letting it bob and sink in the water. Watching little dried pieces of leaves tremble along the surface. Floating. It makes me think of the other night when I heated the air in the fabric bag and sent it drifting away. How I haven’t told Catcher my thoughts on how to escape.
How maybe I can get