The Dark Side of Disney - Leonard Kinsey [20]
There are also a few methods of getting free desserts by outright lying. For example, when you check into your resort tell them it’s your anniversary or birthday or bah mitzvah or some other sort of celebration (be sure if you say it’s your anniversary that you and your significant other get your story straight, because you’ll have about a thousand CMs congratulating you and asking how many years it’s been). You’ll be given a button to wear that says what you’re celebrating. You must wear this at all times! At almost every table service restaurant you’ll get a free dessert to celebrate whatever occasion you lied about! We got an incredible gelato at Il Mulino, a sundae at Sci-Fi Dine In, chocolate cake at both Coral Reef and Brown Derby, and champagne at California Grill. By wearing this button you might also get other perks such as Fastpasses, room upgrades, comp’d drinks at bars, etc.
Free “anniversary” dessert from Il Mulino
Dan, an acquaintance of mine (i.e., not someone I’d be proud to call a friend) routinely pulls another scam almost every time he dines at WDW. He’s a fairly distinguished-looking guy, mid-40s with graying temples, and always wearing a sports coat. But inside lurks the biggest cheapskate I’ve ever met.
“Okay, Dan, explain the scam,” I say, pronouncing his name the same way I’d say “disgusting piece of shit”.
“It’s pretty simple, although it only works once at any particular restaurant” says Dan, his eyes twinkling with glee. “Luckily there are almost two hundred restaurants in Walt Disney World, and I’m not even a quarter of the way through them yet!
“Everyone knows there’s a huge bug problem in Florida, especially with roaches and ants. So before I go out to eat I’ll catch some fire ants from my backyard and put them in a vial. It’s important that the ants are alive, so make sure you use a vial with a tight cap so they don’t escape. I use a cool little spy gizmo that looks just like a pen but has a secret airtight compartment in the back, presumably to hide drugs.
“Anyway, I’ll order a really nice meal with wine and whatnot, and then will order some sort of darkish dessert, like chocolate cake or brownies, and ask for the check. Once the waiter leaves I’ll pretend I’m signing the check with the pen but will actually dump the ants all over the dessert. Then I’ll quietly motion the waiter over and very calmly show him the ants. The reason it’s important that it’s a dark dessert is because any decent waiter is going to notice ants on ice cream or something as he’s bringing it to your table, but not so much on a sticky dark cake-type of dessert.
“Usually the waiter is so appreciative that I’m not freaking out and causing a scene that he immediately suggests comp’ing my whole meal. Other times I’ll have to raise my voice loud enough to get some of the other patrons to turn their heads, but yeah, that’s as far as I’ve ever had to go with it. Never had to talk to a manager or anything like that.
“With bigger groups, when I know the bill is going to be pretty expensive, I’ll put a roach in a contact lens case with a little water so it doesn’t dry out. Then I’ll order a drink and when I’m almost completely done with the drink I’ll pretend I’m having problems with my contacts and dump the roach in. Then I pull the same trick with the waiter. Usually I try to not even let the other people at the table know what’s going on. The roach trick also works well in salads and pastas, but in that case you really have to give up at least half of your meal for it to work, because nobody is going to believe you ate your whole meal and found a roach at the very bottom, whereas that’s exactly what would happen with