The Dark Side of Disney - Leonard Kinsey [5]
But despair not, faithful reader, there is a way for us plebeians to get the free drinkage: eBay! Go to ebay.com, type in Southwest drink tickets, and behold the splendor of the free market. You see, some people are teetotalers, which means they don’t drink, which blows my mind. But it works out great for us lushes, because these snooty non-drinkers (like the girl sitting next to you on the plane who orders a Bloody Mary mix WITH NO VODKA) sell their SW drink tickets on eBay for dirt cheap! You can essentially buy $100 worth of drinks for $20, meaning you’re getting an ice-cold Heineken or gin and tonic for a buck. I can think of no better way to start a vacation than getting loaded on discounted airline booze, knowing that you don’t have to drive anywhere because Disney is going to pick you up from the airport in their nice air-conditioned bus.
Southwest’s drink coupons, being used on the plane!
Update: Southwest has changed their drink ticket policy so that Business Select tickets can only be used for a particular flight, and Rapid Rewards tickets are only valid for a year.
And drink tickets aren’t the only way to get loaded on your flight into Florida. Most people dread layovers, because they’re sitting in a crowded airport twiddling their thumbs, just waiting for time to pass so they can get on with their vacation. But not me. Nope, I actually schedule LONGER layovers on purpose!
“WTF?!” you exclaim. “Why would any fool want a longer layover?!”
Well, the explanation is simple: I have passes to the ultra-exclusive airline VIP lounges, where the food is free and the drinks are plentiful… and free.
Again, eBay to the rescue! You can search for day passes to any of the major airlines’ VIP lounges on eBay and bid on them for dirt cheap. I’ve been able to get them for as little as $12 for a day pass, meaning you could theoretically hit three lounges in one day (one at your departure point, one at the layover, and one in MCO). Just go to the individual airlines’ websites and verify that they do have a lounge at your layover location. You don’t have to be flying on that airline to take advantage of this, and at most airports the longest walk will be less than 20 minutes from your gate to the lounge furthest away.
Personally, I LOVE the Delta Sky Club, especially the one at O’Hare. Self-serve bar with top-shelf liquors, Heineken on draft, hummus, pretzels, cookies, cheese, and little packs of Nutella are just some of the highlights. I highly recommend bringing a backpack and loading up on snacks; the lounge is so huge and understaffed that there’s no way they’ll know you’re taking food out. I’d also highly recommend getting completely blasted while there. Remember, you don’t have to drive, Disney is doing all the driving for you!
STAYING THERE
Off-Site Horror Story:
The first rule about staying off site is: You do not stay off site. The second rule about staying off site is: YOU DO NOT STAY OFF SITE! Seriously. You might think you’re being all smart saving a few bucks by staying at one of the myriad of hotels outside of WDW property, but trust me, you’re doing it at the expense of a nice, relaxing vacation.
I have a friend, Michelle, who told me an admittedly outrageous version of what seems to be a fairly common tale of off-site hotels. Turns out Michelle and her family had stayed at a hotel marketing itself as being “just outside the main gate”, which really meant, “a long ass way from any of the parks.”
“We took a town car from the airport and got to the hotel at about 11AM,” she starts. “We thought we’d see Cinderella’s Castle from our window they way they described it, but the driver said the parks were at least five miles away. That’s apparently still considered ‘main gate’?
“The lobby was packed with cranky families and it took us almost an hour to check into our