The Death of the Heart - Elizabeth Bowen [109]
Sunday.
I went to church with Mrs. Heccomb this morning, it was raining hard on the church roof. You can hardly see inland because of all the rain. It must be wet in those woods and everywhere. Today I am going to tea with Cecil's mother.
Monday.
I got a letter from Major Brutt thanking me for my letter thanking him for the puzzle. He wonders when we will all be back.
I think they have all forgotten everything that has happened.
Clara has been so kind, she asked me to .come with her to Evelyn's house to practise badminton, and we did, but did not get on very well. After that I went back to tea with Clara. Her father is rich, he is in tea. Her house is hot inside and has big game rugs, and on the landings there are flowers with their pots put inside big brass pots. Clara took me up to her bedroom with her, she has Dickie's photograph by her bed, with Your's Dickie written by him on it. She said it was often dull for me and her, because of all the others always working all day, and Clara sometimes thinks she will take something up. She gave me a chiffon handkerchief she has never used, and two necklaces off her own tray. I shall show these at once to Dickie to show how kind Clara is.
Tuesday.
I had a letter from Eddie, he says he is well and he asks how they all are. And I have had a letter from Thomas, with a postscript by Anna on one page. Anna said it did make her laugh to think of Eddie at Waikiki. I did not say he'd been here, perhaps Mrs. Heccomb did. She says not to write if I'm having such a good time, as they will be back soon and will hear all news then.
Wednesday.
Mrs. Heccomb suddenly said she was upset about me. I was glad when Cecil took me for a walk on the beach.
Thursday.
Mrs. Heccomb said she did hope she hadn't said too much, she said she had had a quite sleepless night. I said oh no, she hadn't, because of Cecil. I said I hoped I had not done anything, she said oh no it was not that, only she did wonder. I said wonder what, and she said she did wonder what she ought to have done. I said done when, and she said that was just it, she was not sure when she should have done it, she meant, if she had done anything. She said she did hope I knew she was so fond of me and I said I was so glad.
Friday.
There are still places I cannot walk past, though we only walked here those two days. When I walk I look for places we did not go. Today I stood on a canal bridge, another canal bridge that we never stood on. I watched two swans, they sailed under the bridge. They say the swans are nesting, but these two kept their heads turned away from each other. Today it is not raining but quite dark, black is all through the air though the green looks such bright green. All the days that go by only make me seem to be getting further and further away from the day I last saw Eddie, not nearer and nearer the day I shall see him again.
Saturday.
A fortnight since Eddie came. My last Saturday here.
Dickie came back at three from the Hockey Lunch. He says they have been winding up for the year. I was in the sun porch doing my puzzle, and he asked why I looked like that when he came in. I said it was my last Saturday here. So he asked if I'd like to walk round while he played golf. So when Clara came in her car to call for him they put me into the back part of the car and we drove up to the links. Clara tries with her golf because of Dickie, but Dickie plays a sort of game by himself. You see the woods from the links, right across a valley, but it is lovely up there, there is so much gorse. At the end Dickie said we would have tea, so we went and had tea in the club house. It is handsome in there, there is a huge fire and we had tea right in the bow window. I did enjoy myself. I think my being there made Clara feel rather more like Dickie's wife, she insisted on getting some more jam. At the end of our tea, Clara got her bag out, but Dickie said, Here, I say, and he paid for the tea. It is only in front of