The Death of the Heart - Elizabeth Bowen [154]
Inside her, her spirit balanced in her body, with a succession of harsh efforts, as her body balanced inside the taxi. When at moments she thought, she thought in words.
I don't know, I'm sure.
Mrs. Thomas certainly never thought to mention, and I never thought to ask. Whatever came over me? Mr. Thomas said, when he put me in the taxi, was, did I need money outside of what I had. No, Mr. Thomas didn't mention, either, taking it Mrs. Thomas would be sure to have said. And there, you see, if I'd just left that door open I'd have heard what he said to the man. But I shut the door. Whatever came over me? No, I never thought to notice what he said to the man. And I wouldn't ask him right out, not after all that sauce. You don't know what drivers are. Not a nice class.
Oh well, it does seem queer. I ought to say to myself, well, things will get overlooked. What with all that hurry and that. The hotel was all she said, the hotel. But one of those might be anywhere. I can't but worry—oh, I am vexed with myself, not thinking to ask like that. How am I to know the place is the right place? He might stop and put me down anywhere, well knowing that not knowing I wouldn't know. I had no call to let on I didn't know. That did make me look wrong.... Not one of the drivers off our stand.
And what do I say if they say, Oh no, Major Brutt's not here, or Oh no, we know no one of that name. How am I to say, none of that, now: this is the place I was told, this is where I've orders to wait. Oh, they could put me right out, now I don't know the address. Any little buttons could put me wrong. Oh, he might say to me, and as saucy as anything, but you've come to the wrong place.
Let alone they ought to have said, I should have had it in writing.
It was Mrs. Thomas being all in a rush. She quite put me about. If she was to be in a hurry, why did she not send down and give the order before? When Phyllis came down and said, Well, they've heard all right, but she's to be in late, I was only waiting to go and put on my hat. Phyllis said, they are talking away in there. They beat all, tonight, she said, it must be that Mr. Miller.
If they was to talk less and make up their minds more. I've never seen Mrs. Thomas in such a rush. She couldn't hardly wait till she's got it said. It was as if she didn't half like to ask. Well, I'm used to taking her orders, I'm sure. Take a taxi both ways, she said, we've just sent for the taxi. She kept looking at me, for all she didn't quite look. At the same time, she spoke as if she was there to tell me to do some sort of a conjuring trick. Then how she did run back into that diningroom, yes, and shut the door. They were all in there.
Oh, Hyde Park, is it?... Well, I don't know, I'm sure.
I know I said to myself, as I went up for my hat, well now, there's something she hasn't said. It was in my mind while I got my hat. Then when I came down and there was Mr. Thomas, I looked at him and I said to myself, now, there's something I ought to ask. If I'd just have taken notice of what he said to the driver. But I was put about with my gloves to put on and all that hurry and that. It didn't come to mind not till we were in Baker Street. Then I said to myself, well, we're off to—and I stopped. Oh, I did feel queer. It all came over me.
Just fancy me just going off like that. Fancy me going off to where I've got no idea. Fancy going off just like an image. Fancy going off when you don't know the address.
Well, he does know, I suppose. I've no reason to think he doesn't. But fancy me depending on a fellow like him. Oh, they should have thought to have told me, one of them or the other. They did ought to have thought. Forgetfulness is one thing. But this isn't natural, really.
It puts me wrong. Why, there's not a thing I can say.
That's them all over. That's where they're different, really. That's where they're not like Mr. Quayne.
Not like Mr. Quayne. He would always think of a thing. He'd tell you, but he would say